All Comments on '(Out of) Control'

by teknight

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  • 15 Comments
teknightteknightabout 13 years agoAuthor
Thank you!

Just wanted to take the opportunity to thank all those reading the story. It's my first bit of prose fiction.

I am considering a sequel, in case you feel slighted. :D

txcoatl1970txcoatl1970about 13 years ago
Quickies can be a good taste of things to come!

You wrote the protagonist well. I'm very happy there were no measurements, so two points for you there. Also, remembering the rubber was another good touch. I also liked the humility of admitting neither Steve nor his best friend ever scored Mrs Slimmerik. Honest, real stuff. Bravo Zulu to you, sir, for those bits.

My only bone to pick with you is the characters were a little flat.

Steve's a horny kid looking to prove he can get laid. I liked how you mentioned the internship which is an excellent touch. It's good to have goals and pursue them. Is Kay just another item on the to-do list or is it more than just lusting after who's handy?

Kay's a suburban MILF straight out of Central Casting but OK. She

exemplifies the trope of efficient, somewhat spacy mom in her own world of fantasy, because reality's so disappointing, who likes to submit to a man so she can get all the kinky extras without owning her desires or being responsible for them.

I'd love for you to write the characters in ways that play with the mold a little bit. It doesn't have to be true love between them, but some details about what makes Steve and Kay not just trope avatars with name tags but real characters.

They don't need ten pages of backstory, just a few breadcrumbs, say Kay grew up in Chicago and misses the pizza living in Scottsdale, Arizona or grew up in LA or Miami and misses the beach, thus the bikini'd strutting around for an appreciative audience.

You described very well in story how Steve came to appreciate and covet Kay's physical charms, but what else is going on in Steve's world?

Is he ready to bolt for the big wide open world, or still on the diving board and wondering if he wants to leave home?

I throw these out as food for thought. It's your story and a fine start. I'd love to see your next chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
You need to do a sequel

Try having her resist more on the 2nd attempt by Steve and then she eventually caves in. Also, maybe set it up so her son finds out and then her son does her

EllafunEllafunabout 13 years ago
Nice Fantasy

The beauty of writing a piece about a fantasy is that you can do whatever you want. Great story, Tek! Feeling a little self-concious about my age all of a sudden..... :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
There is nothing better then getting what you have wanted for so long.

You have soooo many possiblities with this story. All I want at this point is more, more toe curling details of how in his youth he would fantasize what he would do to her. More single minded determination from him to get her under his power, and most of all I want all the hot and heavy details you care to impart on just how he goes on to seduce her with his domination. Yum.

nomoretears00nomoretears00about 13 years ago
Oh yes!

You bet! This needs another chapter! Just a tad more detail or a small look into their lives to see what drives the character's or what flaws they have and this will be perfect. But actually, being a first story, this was damn near perfectly done. I'll be keeping an eye out of new stuff.

shadysmurfetteshadysmurfetteabout 13 years ago
:)

Nicely done. Leaves the reader wondering how will things turn out between these two. Will she succumb to her desires? Get naughtier? Mmmmmm the possibilities ;)

MunachiMunachiabout 13 years ago
nice story

must admit it isn't really my category, but it was an enjoyable read, and a very good first story... looking forward to reading more from you...

kelsaffirmkelsaffirmabout 13 years ago
Conflicted Appreciation

Being a fatherless male raised in a house of women - i find this story puts me in touch with a sympatico for women conflict of rating something mediocre. Much like Kay's dilemma I wanted more development - yet still aware of the easy readability and logical flow to achieve a concise and neat early effort to entertain. Thank you Teknight

sereneone4usereneone4uover 12 years ago
Looking forward

to seeing what happens next.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Interesting development

Looking forward to see how you develop Kay's submissive relationship with Steve or maybe someone else.

CinnerCinneralmost 11 years ago
A new direction for your story

I've noticed that the readers here often get into the fantasy behind the story and so eshew consequences. You haven't done this: the condom as a character, cuckolding her drunken husband and Kay's guilt about her indiscretion being demonstrations of that.

I thought that Steve's very bold note opened the story up for the possibility for blackmail and an element of nonCon that could override Kay's guilt and fear of discovery. His placement of that note in the file that could have been seen by others if Kay had missed it and the tone of the words used in the note ratcheted up my interest in him as a character.

I warn you though that your readers may not like this, but then when have you ever cared about a little thing like other people's opinions?

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Awakening

Its what all young lads dream of and some of us achieve.

I was lucky with an older lady I met doing an after school delivery job and Saturday's.

There were a few on my round so had plenty of time to build up a repore. Then one day before I joined the Army it happened. I was a bag of nerves but she helped tenderly. It gave me the confidence for the rest of my life.

It carried on for years while on leave. Even managed it with a mate of hers I bumped into accidentally. The two gave me a lot of pleasure.

Still very attracted to older ladies. Find them very accommodating both married and widowed.

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
I have had many women like this!!!

YEAH RIGHT!

Well I wish I did anyways.

Intellectual content: 3 out of 10.

Eroticin fantasy: 11 out of 10

Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

I love stories about younger men making older milfs submit stories

Anonymous
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