by man_sanas469
My Nipples Are Tingling Wih Anticipation - But There Is No Chapter 2
Yet ! Please Finish & Post Chapter 2 Soon
Kisses
very good start! can't wait to see how the story continues!!!
Needs some copy editing. Too many run-on sentences, changes of tense, one or two syntactical errors. But the concept is good, Toni and Liz sound like fun, and the plot should thicken nicely.
This sounds soooo promising!!! Can't wait for more. Needs some editing, but all in all really good
First, please decide whether you telling this story in third person present tense or third person past tense.
Second, it's into not in on.
Third, its a good start, but it needs fleshing out and extension. I'm not sure how long you intend to make this; but this is definitely NOT a complete chapter. The narrated back story bit was especially weak. This whole thing reads more like a teaser then anything. There are some good bones here but not enough meat.
Fourth, please submit for editing once you've decided on the first part and done the third part.
Reading the other comments your grasp of the language is better than mine. It kept me to want to read more! My pussy always gets wet when men are kept in their place they need so much help and never really able to satisfy a real woman.
LOL Janice
Really looking forward to the next installment. Great first story!
It was almost a story, it almost didn't need an editor, it almost answered a few of the questions left hanging. However, it had promise.
Sorry, It wasn't worth it, IMHO. Maybe if it reached a conclusion.
i've been in a similiar situation. cant wait to read more. hopefully sooner rather than later! alot of people have months even years go by before adding more to the story....hopefully you'll add more asap!
This is my first story and the first time I am reading the comments. Thank you to everyone who read my story and for all the positive feedbacks and constructive criticisms. I just submitted the complete version of "Worth it" today so it will be posted sometime this week.
Hope you like it and please be gentle.
This story just got juicy at the end, don't get me wrong, I love the background on what happened, but now I want the rest. Please don't leave us hanging. I hope you will be posting the next story, like tomorrow.
Thank you for your comment. The finished story is entitled "Worth It Completely" which is in my list of stories. Enjoy!
Looking forward to reading more of your work.