The story was really good. I thought it was a great idea in the end. Though he could have given her a heart attack and I don't know how forgiving I would have been for that kind of scare, it was a fitting ending given how their love started. That said, it is really riddled with errors and I think it is important that you get an editor to work with on your next work. You have the ability to write an excellent story, but the mistakes take too much away from it. I hope you will get someone to help you clean up the next work and I would be happy to see more from you in the future if you do so.
by
Anonymous01/15/11
You did a good job on the story would love to see what els u have.. You had a good mind please keep them coming...
un final? fabuloso, el tiene un fetiche con sus senor y mas cuando esta amamantando a sus hijos, muy bueno, te felicito por la historia, muy bien escrito, am_sr
English
The story was really good. I thought it was a great idea in the end. Though he could have given her a heart attack and I don't know how forgiving I would have been for that kind of scare, it was a fitting ending given how their love started. That said, it is really riddled with errors and I think it is important that you get an editor to work with on your next work. You have the ability to write an excellent story, but the mistakes take too much away from it. I hope you will get someone to help you clean up the next work and I would be happy to see more from you in the future if you do so.
You did a good job on the story would love to see what els u have.. You had a good mind please keep them coming...
un viaje para recordar
un final? fabuloso, el tiene un fetiche con sus senor y mas cuando esta amamantando a sus hijos, muy bueno, te felicito por la historia, muy bien escrito, am_sr
Well done .
A little rushed.
I wish it wasn't so rushed. You could have done so much with this story line. But it was your story and you told it well.
-Jaz
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