All Comments on 'Feathered Fiends'

.....in labeling this a Pantoum? My ability to recognise forms is poor but this fits the restrictions comfortably. It makes me think of any number of conflicts where children fight as adults and rape is used as a weapon. Just the fact that it makes us think is a point in its favour but it's a good poem in its own right.

Tess

Ah I never remember which form it is unless I look it up, but it looks like a terzanelle to me. Either way I like the lyrical quality and, as usual, your touch with rhyme is delicate but sure. Of the theme I am somewhat confused. I think it's about carrier pidgeons (if I'm wrong well duh), but then who are the peasant women and who is counting heads? I have a feeling I don't have enough background info on the subject to really understand this, and that is my deficit, not yours!

The title puzzles me..

Tess

Brings up images of harpies in my mind. Even though other lines suggest sometheing else. Either way imaginative and in a form which suits the tone perfectly.

I saw the children soldiers in Africa. There might be an argument for cutting down more, a few words here and there to help the metre, but overall I loved it, if that is the right way of saying it.

Creepy subject matter (which I love; what exactly is going on in your life at the moment! Are you like graverobbing in you free time?) but I think the title detracts. Given I know how hard this form is to pull off even passably, you got a 100 and a recommend.

I too don't understand the title but enjoyed the work... it reads better 2nd or 3rd time round

It is unwise to chose a subject of which you appear to have little insight or knowledge. Poor vocabulary and lazy repetition (destined, fray, wing.) Oh, and sticking st on the end of among (twice) does not make you a poet. Destiny? Nobody is born to serve. Servility is a state forced upon people by others. The title is contrived and the verse matches. Listen to the words of Kate Bush's "Army Dreamers" (on Youtube) then re-evaluate your work.