All Comments  for

Unfolded

byAngeline©
All
Comments (10)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by twelveoone01/10/11

*

well since the title is...shoots down the aspect ration beef,
Try to avoid this,
soft submission proposing
we paddle companionably
I can see the sonic reason for bly and the sentence is chunky (as it should be, here) soft submission proposing just looks useless - literotica jangle.
True 100

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by GuiltyPleasure01/10/11

This is an......

....origami of a poem, folded and folded again to create the sequences, new shapes, new images with the human equation woven throughout.
Written with sensitivity and insight in true Ange-style.

Tess

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by butters01/10/11

strong strong strong

i LOVE this write. was a little unsure of the first line but this grew with each line. fantastic imagery!

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Liar01/10/11

One that should be read slowly

Like Tess said, it is a constantly changing piece, folding and unfolding into new shapes. Layered and quite heavy on nuances and bits of a bigger puzzle. I find it easiest to grasp when I read and re-read every stanza before moving to the next.

It slipped away a bit in the last two stanzas, and I somewhat found myself wondering what the business with swans was all about. Something to bring that together might have made it complete.

Or amybe I'm missing the point. It's known to happen.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by UnderYourSpell01/11/11

~

This is so clever and unique well done you and I am so jealous!

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by vrosej1001/11/11

I'm with undermyspell

I wish I had written it. It's getting a recommend.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by ishtat01/12/11

!

Not much to add to the previous comments but "sailing" in the penultimate line; is that the right word?

And "some unknown" seems a bit vague. One can think of alternatives or maybe nothing at all but I would only be quibbling about a fine poem.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by theognis01/12/11

*****

Five.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Fish_Tales07/18/11

Pulp

To think like a piece of paper....hey - you've got me suspending disbelief! Excellent

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by butters01/19/13

this almost hurts to read

remove that 'almost'

wonderful piece, A x

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to Unfolded  or
More submissions by Angeline.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission.

Post comment as (click to select):

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel