All Comments on 'What You Wish For Pt. 05'

small but good chapter.

Marissa; I also most expect some kind of vocal accent but seeing as how she is in Evanston, maybe not. I haven't hung out in Chicago in 30 years and the basic understanding of background for Sue and Marissa is unknown. Just my own impression of what a goth would "sound" like coming through. Also, she doesn't smoke. We all have our own prejudice with which to deal, that reflects on my interpretation of a character.

Only one more chapter? We will just have to deal with it. Thank you for your efforts and for sharing with us.

You are still leaving us hanging, no way he wouldn't ravish the x, hell man, she's dry humping his leg, I'm sure she'd have gobbled his man snake right up. Next chapter would be well served with some descriptions of our editors intriguing piercings.. additionally, given what's going on with his x, I'd expect him to "punish" her repeatedly,,,, makeup or revenge sex could be rather tasty.

The build up with the ex and then her proving that she was not about to do anything to reconquest him. She was pretty stupid to give him up in the first place. But she had an impossible dream......

<P>

On the other hand he did not even show that he learned anything about himself. He can be worn down. He is only human. With all the great skills he has, he does make mistakes.

Must be one of the best on this site.

We all hate to have summer end. We hate to have a good time with family and friends end. We hate to see a beautiful day come to a close. We do not want this story to end, but we know it will. We haven't seen a wife in this story for several chapters, but perhaps there is one on the horizon? This is a good old fashioned romance, and that is as good as it gets for most of us. This is simply an enjoyable story and a pleasure to read.

One can also better appreciate the tactics of Q Steele. He does not give us the pain of an ending. The perfect day with friends simply goes on forever. There is no sadness or regret that the story is over, that Bill and his big titted wife will be gone from our lives. I appreciate that The Judge has delivered his story in a timely fashion. I better understand Q's effort to never make us say good bye to The Angel of Death and his big busted bitch of a wife!

Utterly wonderful. Loving Wives category never did it for me until I read you. Perfectly written. Not a word out of place. Great stuff. Thank you.

I am a lurker and have only commented 2x, both for this story. Love the plot lines and character development. I am only sorry that it will end tomorrow. Great story!

Marisa? really? .... huh..... well she is a very strong character and to a lot women who were the geeky non cheerleader type in High school/ College she has a lot of appeal. If this was a TV series or a Movie she would be very VERY popular very quickly (UGLY BETTY thing).

I really dont know what or where this will go. Still...

IF marisa goes to the party and gets connected and her career takes off she will clearly get OUT of Grant city and move into the avant garde areas of LA Chicago or the Village in NYC. So she would be out of the Picture.

Susan has been OUT of the story for a long time. She may have new man/ love interest which we will find out about at the Chicago party.

Thats leaves a growing changing and maturing Kirstin. Who would not take his $$$.. who is now working. Who would not Tyler to get screwed over at the arbitration.

They already have a partial reconciliation ... but before they fully reconcile Tyler needs to visit her family and lay down the law.

still Kirstin working?... wonders never cease. Still 2nd chances sometimes work out. Look at Micheal Vick. Hell even the HUMANE society thinks he is a changed person.

One more chapter does not seem like enough time to tie up all the loose ends. What is the story between Susan and Marisa other than different fathers? Obviously they talk and share things at least over the phone. Will there be some sisterly turmoil when Susan finds out that Tyler, the man that might have been 'the one' is dating her sister?

What happened to Allie? Does she regret the decision she made in not telling Tyler about Ben? Was she truly in love with him or just in love with the idea of being in love with her cousin's ex; like the forbidden fruit?

Your portrayal of Kirstin is right on the money. Extremely well written character. You can feel her emotions, her genuine regret and the acceptance that it's her fault for losing sight of her dream thus destroying them.

What happens with the movie deal? Any Hollywood premieres to attend? Any news on the second book? Does it live up to expectation?

Actually all of the characters are three dimensional and the story doesn't just pull you in, it sucks you in. You are not just reading a story, you are pulled into the book eyes glued to the scene feeling emotions, watching and waiting with bated breath for what happens next.

Like all great stories, I usually can't wait to finish the book but then I'm sad to say good bye to characters that I have come to know and love. I am both anticipating and dreading reading the end of this story.

Once again, I want to say Thank You for sharing your writing talents with all of us. Please post another story soon. You have raised the bar on Lit. Congratulations!!

~S

But I did. Marisa was just too spectacular to avoid. The only problem is that she is Susan's sister. But he has already said she will never be more than his lawyer and fried. So I guessed he would be interested in Marisa from the first description of her. Very good story, so last chapter will tell us is it going to be Kristin, Allison, Susan or Marisa? In his shoes I would have gone for Marisa, she will be too much fun to miss. Life with her would not be boring.

From your extraordinarily well tuned (not turned) descrptive phrases, to your multi-dimensional characterizations, Bravo. And now, for tomorrow's conclusion.

Thank you.

Honestly, its transformative. I skipped the morning newspaper for this installment. Thanks for the entertainment. Rhett

Better and better, but there's much to resolve for just one final chapter.....please don't leave loose ends!!

Wow, hadn't seen Marisa coming either (not like that, pervs!).

I don't have much to say except, great story, I'm waiting for the next and final chapter.

One thing though. Tyler's been screwing nearly every woman he meets. XD

Susan, Allie, and now Marisa. Only the chainsmoking 60 year old granny has gotten away. XD

I look forward to the final chapter hope that it will be tomorrow and I am hoping that he will with Marisa and that she will wow everyone at the party with a change of clothing and hair style.

I believe Marrisa may be the best final destination for Tyler if he can get her past her personal demons. Kristin is still using their son to wedge her way into his life and Susan likes her high powered lifestyle in Florida too much to meet on common ground. Still you have left so many possible scenarios that the readers are just guessing like me. This has been a wonderfully well written story that is entertaining and stimulating. Now for part 06.

I loved it but was so disappointed to see only one sentence on page three.

Really had the feeling it could come down to Marisa but all in all, I wish your story wouldn't end. You have written such a great story and published it daily and I won't know what to look forward to after tomorrow. Thanks for the great story!

Yeah!

I was worried about his talk with Kristen, that he would give in and try, even knowing the trust would always have him questioning. I like that his character is not, as my daughter would say, "a male slut." He's made it pretty clear how empty that life is.

You've described, through Tyler's eyes, how she looks, somehow communicating his looking through the Goth and seeing the outline of beauty. And then there's the tortured soul; how to get through it to discover the butterfly that has emerged, yet is still painted and disguised as a...what...maybe a tomato worm, complete with stinger.

Love it! The pictures you paint complete each chapter and that's what makes it great. Thanks for the effort as it is not in vain but has been successful!

Thanks for the terrific entertainment. Better than any movie.

Rob

I must agree with HDK. This story is like watching a good old friend with a wasting disease.

You are very sad that it is coming to an end but very elated that it existed in the first place and you enjoy the memories and the love of it while regret the coming to an end of such a great story.

I personally an very sad that the judge has to end this wonderful tale but realize that all good things must end.

I am waiting for the final chapter, and as was stated earlier, was very disappointed the third page only contained one line.

The only good thing about this story ending is that his honor will have time to write another wonderful tale about another "loving wife".

Rehnquist: Thank you for this wonderful story and hope you are already working on another.

Your "I hope friend" Tom

I am hoping the last chapter takes a turn toward a situation I like better than where we are. You kept giving us hints that Tyler was into saving lost puppies and all that, so this chapter with Marisa is not unexpected, but not fulfilling. I think you have made her into such an angry, damaged woman that she will not realistically be able to become civilized in the time you have left. Obviously I have a lot of trouble seeing her fitting in with Tylers parents, etc, etc .........

OK, I will shut up now and brood, till tomorrow thinking about how great Susan and Tyler would be together ....... Would have been together.............

This could be the opening to make Allie the final player. He has not seen her and she has not been mentioned for a while. Could she be doing the same thing as Kristen did? Or, will someone pop out in the final chapter? He could end up with all of them pregnant and set up a harem. Your guess is as good as mine.

Loved every chapter, and sad to see it end. It is as good a piece of short fiction as I have read in a long time. The chapters flow and build upon one another. Many authors, who write chaptered stories, tend to write ones that stand on their own, and often to not even add to the story. This one is long enough to really build and grow, yet short enough to still be a short story. Posting the chapters close together helps the reader keep their interest and emotions.

Well done.

Michael

4.73, 4.66, 4.77, 4.70 -- scores for Pt.01 - Pt.04: Yet, these are some of the best chapters in this genre, if not on this site. Movie deals ? This could be a movie, especially considering the smooth, real and revealing dialogue.

Thanks for writing.

. . . you have created an incredible woman, probably the most difficult woman a man can even attempt to approach in creating. Amazing job. No need to say much more, Chief Justice, no need at all. I've met that woman, seen her, at least elements of her, in many women, especially the artists.

It's been a great ride, and it's not over just yet.

And I keep telling myself, nothing says these characters can't do spin-offs, ya nome sane?

I'd love to see a further exploration of some of these people. Of course, much will hinge on the outcome of this opus.

R, yer a ruddy genius.

This is the reason people read...

Out-fucking-standing!!!!

I am glad Kristin is out of the equation. After what she has done, Tyler will seem real weak if he gets back with her. Marisa is getting more likable by the chapter. Good job in fleshing out her character.

Five stars all of the way!

You have created a story where the main players have all been fleshed out to the point that the reader can sympathize with or root for any of them. They are all flawed like all human beings are. They all carry their own baggage, including Tyler. The possible endings to this tale are beyond count. What a nice way to go into the last chapter, that is by not knowing how it is going to end! Frankly, no matter who Tyler is with in the end, (and I have always been in the Susan camp) this will have been an awfully good story.

But before the defense rests your Honor, I would like to make a motion if it would please the court!!! I move that this story actually ends after tommorrow's edition so that you can focus upon writing your next story.

You said in the intro to Chapter 1 that you wanted to flesh out and make more real the women in your stories. You've succeeded in this tale.

I can see in my mind's eye each of the characters, get an idea of how they will react, and know their deepest thoughts. Not an easy thing to accomplish in so little time and space.

I'm like others. I know the story will end but I can hope for a part two or a spin off with some of the characters.

Thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

You can take this story where ever you want, I'm along for the ride.

Thank God he did not screw his ex (in any manner) even though he could have.

Thanks!

Every single one of the characters are flawed, like real life.

Kristen has at least grown from it all. She got a job, isn't making unreasonable demands of him, and well she seems genuine these days (admitting her faults and mistakes).

Don't know about Tyler anymore. Any female in his life is fair game these days. He screwed Kristen's cousin and now he's done sisters Susan and Marisa. I like Marisa because she was so different, but as for relationship material? I just don't see it and I don't know why.

Either way I am interested in how this is going to end.

There is talent..and, friend, YOU have got it.

Just a quick note to let you all know why this is such a short chapter. Simply put, the last line of this part was the only logical place to end part 5 unless all of you wanted a really, really long final chapter. Tomorrow's conclusion, though, will be longer. Something like 4 pages, I think.

And don't worry, there's still (I hope) enough tension and conflict to keep you reading right to the very end.

Finally, while not all of you will like the way this ends, I really think that the final bit of dialogue in the story is some of the most intriguing--and interesting--dialogue I've written. (Sorry, just had to tweak you all to make sure you'll read it!)

Thanks so much to everyone--both for reading and commenting--and I look forward to your final thoughts when it all ends.

Rehnquist

i hope you are working on a real novel, not just stories for us. you are one of a very few authors on this site that i can't wait for the next story.

Ok, so it's not intentional, but first cousins and now sisters. I can't stand it. The suspense is killing me. This story is so good and I'm on the edge of my seat. Tomorrow, hurry and get here, so I can end this misery called patience. I hope you have another story that will post after this one ends. You're very talented. Brilliant.

but one question though, is it correct to write "your's"? shouldn't it be "yours"?

"yours" is the possesive pronoun version of you.

...Marissa said - "Remember - you promised"!!!!

Dead give-away????

Still liked Susan but - oh well, you're light years ahead of us and I'm sure we'll enjoy the ending.

BTW, bring Susan into your next story, she was/is ready for the right guy to stay with!

I am totally enjoying this story. The downside is that there is only one more chapter to go! BUMMER! And I agree I too hope your working on a novel you have the talent. And with and editor like M how can you go wrong! LOL

I have no idea if this is the progress of the final chapter, but I see a beautiful butterfly emerging from the Chrysalis that Marisa has spun around herself to protect her fragile psyche from hurt.

This all happens leading up to and during the authors party, and this is due to the burgeoning love shown toward her by Tyler.

Susan though sad and disappointed that Tyler is no longer available will be so grateful that her sister has been "saved" from a life of pain and loneliness that she will be eternally grateful to Tyler.

As I have stated, I don't know but this how I would write the ending, but I know the ending of your story will be posted tomorrow and I know it will be great no matter how it ends.

Yours, with the greatest respect.

Tom

You continue to pull us in with the complexity of your characters. Tyler is a strong guy but his treatment of his ex is still confusing. I like sex too but not with someone who has betrayed me; Kristin should automatically kill his erection like an ice cold shower...

....Natalie. lol. damn, you got 3 candidates. personally, I prefer Susan. but this is your story and its already done. so, whoever he chooses will be the best for him. unless, he chooses the 3 of them. lol

I'm not sure where this is going to end up but I wondered about Marisa. She was, and still is a cypher. She is an intriguing, strong, and passionate woman. Considering that he is just starting up a relationship with her and there is only one more chapter to go it would be hard to disengage from Marisa and hook up with someone else. It looks like he has gelled his relationship with Kristin. He can never really love her again. That seems like a healthy and realistic attitude. The damage was just too great and her continued actions show she is still playing games. She is a much better person but her relationship with Tyler is over. The last chapter now seems like a tease but I guess it was realistic that after finding out about his son that he would reconsider the relationship with Kristin as well. The story continues to read very well and the characters are rich and real. With only one more chapter to go this is going to be over far too soon.

I am enjoying the romance that you are piecing together, but I do have some queries. The first query revolves around. She has more than a passing resemblance to Lisbeth Salander (got that mixed up a couple of chapters ago) from Steig Larson's work. As such, making her a "skinny goth chick" tall, rather than short, with a proclivity for short length, occasional, "meaningless" sex partners, makes it hard for me to really separate your Marisa from that more memorable character. As such, your character is still a bit of a cypher for me. Others will disagree, but as I read your well constructed story, Marisa is a place-holder upon which we can hang our own wishes. There isn't a lot there--so far. She is the armoured "girl" hurt in the past, looking for love and being rejected. Now open to another chance. Becoming a "woman," open to true intimacy. We are supposed to like her--she is good looking, mysterious, intelligent, and works her butt off. No parasite her! It isn't very deep, and is helped by our familiarity with conventions of this style of writing.

Further, our hero has grown in real terms--he realizes he is not a "wham bam thank you ma'am" sort of guy, and one for who "true" intimacy is the goal, but the level of self-reflection about the issues in his first relationship is a bit lacking. I don't really see growth there. He is the hero--and no one sees him as really being to blame for anything. Even his ex-wife says it. So, it must be true, right? Well, I am less sanguine about that. Yes, his wife was horribly conflicted, wanting two things that couldn't be reconciled. Yet, it is clear that the hero has the same conflict as well. He flirts with understanding when he talks about "how he couldn't move/ditch the job when he was with K" when his relationship was tanking. Yet he quickly recognizes that he moved like greased lightning when his mum had a stroke. He thinks idly about that--ain't that interesting, lets it go. That is not growth. And it hurts the story, because K becomes this 2D character now all racked with guilt, and having lost a bit of sight of what drove her to do this action in the first place. She just succumbed to temptation. We get that. We get her spoiled nature. We see her showing her moral imperfection, and it allows us in the audience to do to her what those old biddies did to Marisa in the restaurant--"tsk, tsk, tsk, hurummpphh, hurrummpphh, etc."

But it is not a filling meal for me. The author has stacked the deck against K., by conveniently asking us to discount how inattentive our hero is to the needs of his spouse and also his passivity and inability to sit down and have a conversation that any rational marriage would have had about money and time, when this issue became unhealthy (the conflicted nature of our hero is never more clearly seen then in his reaction to his wife's first trip). She was conflicted, contradictory, and unrealistic. He was working his butt off. She left him. He was devastated. Yep, I get that. But the author, never explores why K doesn't want to work. What is K's motivation for her position? I have no idea. ""Because I was a spoiled rotten little bitch and you wouldn't toe the line," she said." That doesn't tell us very much about internal motivations. And we don't know BECAUSE our hero DOESN'T KNOW. That is blameworthy, yet it never seems to flitter across our hero's mind, or anyone else's for that matter. What we are left with is just laziness for K, and in America, that is morally blameworthy. Chapter One spends its time telling us that K won't work, tells us that our hero is frustrated by this, but NEVER has the characters show us or explain to us why this is so. The piece about wanting a family is interesting, but LATE--and does nothing to explain her earlier thinking about work. So, Kristin is a cypher as well.

I liked the character of Susan, and I really liked the interplay between them. She is a mostly conventional character, but it works for the time she is with us, because she slowly reveals more complexity through her actions. I liked her because the sex you write for them propels the scene forward and gives us insights into both characters' personalities, beliefs, and values. We find out things, and they find out things. It changes her character in a believable and bittersweet manner. Knowledge comes at a cost, and that reflects a deep wisdom about life. For me, that was the best bit of the story. In contrast, our hero's interlude with Marisa felt like a conventional part of any particular romance story. Our hero may have been surprised, but I wasn't. Since we know so little of Marisa, our hero gets to splash his projections over (into?!) her.

It does not bode well, that our hero is treating Marisa more like an object than a subject. He wants to help (or fix?) her life, do things for her. That is nice, but he does it without asking her first. The first time he backtracks, the second, he doesn't. Whatever his intentions, he does not really respect her as an individual worthy of equality. To get a sense of this, check out how Susan acts, when she wants to do him a favour--she says she wants to do this, and gets him on board BEFORE she goes off to do it. They even agreed to a trade of favours, and Susan has to work to keep herself to her half. I fear that since we have only one more chapter, this major character flaw and the destruction it will cause to Marisa (who instinctively gets it) is going to be glossed over

Please understand that I am really enjoying your story, but you did say that one of your aims was to write more interesting and deeper female characters. I think I see signs of that--K's reaction to our hero's obvious anger in this chapter is good. She appeared to briefly come into 3D resolution as she briefly stopped her continuous self-negation. I would like to see more of that sort of thing that helps our hero start to examine himself in some meaningful way. Susan's emergence in their brief relationship.

Anyway, since this is all about wish fufillment, my money is on our hero getting Marisa AND Susan, together! After all, as the title suggests, this is just one wish fulfillment fantasy, right? :)

After reading 5 parts which in general were enjoyable, first allow me to state that I'm not going to diss you - it's your story. However, I have some constructive criticism as an informed CRWR reader.

The BIG hole was Tyler's connection to his Mom. Here's a guy who left his lucrative job to move back home because his mother has a stroke. My god, the basis of this story is Tyler's instant reaction to his Mom's illness but sadly, we as readers never hear about Tyler relating to his Mom in the first few chapters - hell man, your story turns on his return to his hometown to be with his Mom and Dad - flesh it out!

You lamented in the beginning that you intended to make your female characters more whole, yet Tyler's Mom was dismissed immediately. At the end of the story we still don't know his Mom.

While thoroughly enjoying your story, as I read chapter after chapter waiting for some warm relationship between Tyler and his Mom, I was going to write to alert you to this hole - except you had advised that the story was completely written - so why bother? Which also begs the question, what is the purpose of your reader's suggestions of how you should drive your plot - didn't they read that is was already written?

I really like how Ben became a critical element in medical recovery of Tyler's Mom. That was believable and warming. But again, you missed fleshing out both his Mom and Ben again. You had a major opportunity that you chose to squander. Your story turned on his Mom and Ben!

I enjoy your writing style wherein you shift quickly from scene to scene, yet that brings up my second issue - in one short sentence Susan, who has done so much to make a better life for Tyler which moved his life forward is dismissed in one short sentence. It's like you have informed the reader that your story outline does not include Susan and you are moving too quickly to flesh out how they will never be an item.

The story as a whole has a great plot and good characters BUT it reads like a first draft. Writing is re-writing...

Hey Rehnquist, I like your writing style! As an online writer you are good whereas most of the stuff is PWP drivel - those "stories" I skip, never mind vote, nor do I comment. All of your writing is a good performance, hence I trust that you will accept my comments to help to improve your work. Methinks you could use a Marisa in your Literotica life.

robert

PWP - Porn Without Plot

It would be cool to see his Honor take some of these same characters and put them into some other "spinoff" stories. I think a couple of other folks might have mentioned it and I wanted to chime in.

Thanks again, Rehnquist, for sharing your stories with us!

The characters drive this story brilliantly!

I have read through comments so far. Before I get to my point want to comment on reading in the comment section. I loved reading onlythelonelylover comment found it very GOOD and insightful really went deeper into story then I had thought, inhanced the story for me. An Anonymous signed by robert had a really good point about Mom character but I did not see that taking away from the story it would have fleshed out the story more for Tyler and more of K's faults in relationship. Mousse9 had a nice point about the sex with all main female characters but then this is a erotic site so it really is expected in some ways (may not follow reality but not an issue to this story). BobNbobbi (enjoy his writing) and Woodmanone both had great comments on what you really wanted to get from writing this story better women characters - I agree you succeeded with that exercise/experience. Wonder_One followed my sentiment on why I read. Harddaysknight had a really great comment on readers and matches my feeling just not as personnel as Woner_One.

Now my view is 5 stars for the whole story and all parts. As for the thinking what women Tyler ends up with at the end is NO ONE (I really liked Susan as a match but Rehnquist thrown that out in Pt.3)

I only recall it being in one other LW story I read but I don’t recall title or author that had several women including the ex wife around main character but was not ready to marry again; right now just wanted to enjoy life. I HOPE to be wrong or IF right at least hope Rehnquist will decide to take up the characters again for a second series. Really enjoyed Rehnquist writing a story about a writer writing and his trouble surrounding it to make him write better (or have desire to start writing)!

Thank for a great read well worth the time so far … looking forward to YOUR ending (not what I would like)!

I started losing my enthusiasm as this part progressed. I'm having trouble relating to Tyler. She cheated and lied repeatedly, case closed!

An excellent story,well written and I can hardly wait for the next part.

"What you wish for" and "When we were married" are the best two stories on Literotica.

That was a super erotic sex scene with him and Marisa getting together. It was a surprise that was really nice. Perhaps he can show her that she can except love and still have her self-respect.

This is one of those few stories that one doesn't want to end, but to be able to follow the lives of the characters for a long while.

Extremely well done and the writing is very expressive in both sexual erotica and human feelings of both love and hate, or maybe not so much hate as it is fear of screwing up one's life.

Thanks for the enjoyable chapter.

I was a bit suprised with this sudden twist, still very enjoyable though. One can always find fault and be too analytical. I just want to feel good reading these stories. And, I'm in a nice place with this one. Well done and thank you.

I didn't see that coming from deeeep left field to whack us. Way to keep throwing the curves and keep it really interesting. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to read the next chapter.

I'm not going to wait until the end of the story - what can I add to the accolades heaped upon the Judge. You never have to worry about the criticism of not fleshing out your female characters - this tale is full of female characters and they are all fascinating creatures - but then again don't almost all women fall into that catagory.

A masterful effort resulting in a superb story. However it ends, my gratitude for many enjoyable minutes spent reading this. I'm just hoping that there is another coming soon - and by the way, love the alliteration, Harddaysknight.

There was no way that Marisa, the oddball, would not figure importantly and romantically in this story. Her appearance should have been a red flag to every reader: watch this one! I have always chosen oddball females myself and they almost always, try as you to prevent it, eventually find YOU odd in turn, which initiates the separation. Nonetheless, I still prefer these mysterious creatures and I hope Marisa finds her heaven. This chapter was a notch below the first 4, so 4*.

Susan has a decision to make. She's already identified Tyler as one of a rare breed. So really the balls in her court. If her priority continues to be life in the fast lane then, yeah, she's out of the picture. However, I'm hoping that having tasted that life and seeing how empty it is, she'll opt for the slower pace of Grant City and a life with Tyler (and now Ben and maybe more children).

That was the sound of my jaw dropping to the floor. This chapter came from deep left field. Then I figured it out. He's getting in good with Marissa as a way to get closer to Susan (whom I refuse to give up on)

Especially since Kristen really screwed the pooch. But seriously my well known Susan preference to the contrary, this story is excellent, end it any way you want, I just can't wait to see how you do it.

But she is intentionally distancing herself with the Goth garb. He aready knew he struck a nerve when he asked about children. I'm not sure that forcing a relationship on a person is a good idea. There is a past, and she is avoiding a releationship because she is still wounded.

I actually had hopes for Allisyn, but Tyler closed that door in chapter 4.

I was actually hoping for a new character to come into the story, possibly a health care worker that takes care of the Tyler's mother. Such a person could show a tender side, and a selfless caring side first to the mother's condition, and then to Tyler.

Either way, I believe that Tyler will become attached to the love interest (Marisa or the health care worker) by the Florence Nightingale effect.

Tyler could be opening an even bigger can of worms than Kristen's betrayal.

I've been racking my brain trying to find something to complain about and this is what I've got: Does Tyler really have to be that perfect? I know you always want the protagonist to eventually be successful in all endeavors, but he's amazingly good looking, an amazing lover, can seemingly get any woman he wants, is an amazing bond salesman, accomplished carpenter, and to top it all off, on his first try, he's potentially a #1 best selling author? Regardless of his hardships, sometimes I have a hard time feeling sorry for the guy.

All that said, I love the character, all the supporting characters, the whole story. As always, I'm sorry to see it ending. Although, I guess the Case of Self Defense story was ready to end... but I digress.

Anyway, 5*

Can anyone tell me what the reason was for him dropping susan out of the picture? WAS there a reason that I missed? Just seemed a bit sudden to me.

I am pulling for kristin, she is perfect for someone who is so perfect himself since she has finally grown up. Her initial problem was not just herself but tyler also. He was an enabler for her juvenile behavior. He could have avoid most of this story by a swift kick in the ass early on.

make the final chapter something special and confound us all.

Jack

At the start of this section I figured the road led back to Kristin, well traveled though it may be. But this detour with Marissa is much more interesting. Perhaps I have been reading too much about Lisbeth Salander of late, but she and Marissa seem cut from the same cloth and certainly something exotic to get wrapped in.

Five stars, but I agree with the anonymous commenter who racked his brain to find something to complain about. As I commented after part two, Tyler is just too expert at too many things, in my apparently less-than-humble opinion.

5 stars for this part (I guess I'm like all the other guys -- I like the hot monkey sex, Marisa style). Seriously, though, there is an old saying, "Smith to bed, Holyoke to wed." For the uninitiated, it means there are some girls who are marriage material, and some who are just good for the sack but not something more permanent.

I guess I'm turning Susan's portrayal of Tyler around -- that he might be marriage material. Marisa is interesting, and obviously she is both intelligent and physically attractive, but my gestalt tells me she has an awfully large amount of baggage. Another way to put it -- Marisa has "issues." I mean, can you imagine Marisa having and raising kids who would turn out well-adjusted and normal? I didn't think so.

Even though it is hopeless (but I am a hopeless romantic, sometimes), I think Susan would have been the best partner with the highest "marriage material" rating out there. Clearly, Susan wants to change, wants to feel, wants to rejoin conventional society, she hints that she feels her clock ticking. Marisa has trust issues, as she has clearly been hurt in the past. Without deep therapy, I doubt she can rejoin the human race, as it were (and as Tyler put it).

Now the fantasy land (and impossible) ending would be a move to Utah, with both Susan and Marisa for his two wives. Hey, if we can change the law to permit gays to marry, then why not change the law to permit more than one spouse? After all, there are not enough men to go around for all those women out there. Of course, I imagine even half-sisters would be jealous of each other if they both coveted the same guy. Thanks for writing.

This story is just too easy to believe that it's written this well, and progressing this well, and just... working out so ... well. I'm in for the next submission. Sigh! Wonderful read!

I dont know what is good writing, but whatever it is I am enjoying it.

One more to go.

After seeing Kristen's growth I have to say I am rooting for her and Tyler. It will be rough because of the broken trust but it can, and has, been done.

She isn't using their child to manipualte Tyler, she is trying to make up for her mistakes. Admitting you are wrong is hard and she has done that and has made great strides to be a better person.

Marissa is one troubled young lady. Plus there is the whole sisters thing with Susan. Just think Tyler made his life even more complicated.

this story is still a great read and your skills are improving in leaps and bounds.

up there with the best

Couldn't stop reading the story once I started! Being a hopeful romantic I hope that it will work out between them - they seem to be such a great match.

You did a good job cloaking the interest that Tyler would have in Marisa. It seems like the proper pairing. It seems surprising that you'd wrap this up in Part 6; there's a lot more story that could be told.

There are parts of your comment that I disagree with.

The "hero conflict" you talk about isn't so much a conflict on his (Tyler) part, as on her (Kristin). He could not move/ditch his job because if he did, Kristin would not have all that money to spend, so he wasn't allowed to stop working. No work, no money for Kristin.

That was right at the very beginning of the story. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

In his mother's case, do you really think Tyler thought "Mom had a stroke! Will she get angry if I quit my job and go to her?". With the money issue out of the picture, he DID move lightning fast, as you said.

Tyler, inattentive, passive and unable to see to the needs of his spouse? That's a bit of a longshot. Again, in the first chapter Tyler had discussed the money VS attention thing with Kristin, and it basically boiled down to Kristin wanting both. That's impossible, and because he couldn't give her that impossibility, he's inattentive to her needs? Ouch.

I thought the author made it clear why Kristin didn't wanted to work. She doesn't want to work for her money. There's no deep, secret motivation behind it. Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one.

What to do?

It would seem Kristin was right to leave him. He is focused driven, and when he is it takes someone as focussed and driven to understand. Perhaps Marissa is that person. Interesting possibilities. I know I am going to hate when this story ends as it could go on for quite awhile.

R.

I'm excited to read 6.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

This is the first story that I've given a 5. I liked the way that all of the characters interacted. I couldn't vote earlier because I had to see the complete (almost) story befre making a judgement.

not saying anyone but kirstin.....heck I LOVE reconcillation....for some reason just not this time.....

On another note....At the restaurant when the hired help started giving out 'tude I would have asked for the manager and explained nicely that in 6 months they were going to be begging me for an autographed picture to hang in their lobby. The treatment of the next hour would go a long way in making up my mind whether to acquiesce.

And I could tell several chapters ago she was mad at the world because she was "always the bride's maid, never the bride."

WOW CAN'T WAIT FOR PART SIX

You made her such a likable character, and made their time together so filled with possibilities. And then you cold-heartedly eliminated her from the picture and replaced her with Marisa? Have you any feel for what's right and wrong?

But I still love this story and your writing.

I thought I saw this coming. I don't know, of course, how it will all turn out yet, but I just knew Marisa was going to be more than just his editor.

The creative personalities have a great potential -

Not sure where you will end this one - but - I really want to find out -

When is the next chapter? More please! Maybe a sequel ???

why do joint custody, I'll never understand why so many men act so stupidly

I dont like Marissa's character. Could have toned it down big time. That said, it's a great story. I love it.

Including and especially Marisa

anyone with that username like that must be a very strange and conflicted person

I have to disagree with the commenter who doesn't like Marissa. I think she is awesome. That is partly because the way she is described reminds me of a female that I was secretly in LOVE with for a while. But we were both married (to our spouses) and we never took the friendship anywhere. But I have often told myself that if neither one of us were married..........

To the author, you are a superb writer. I am an instant fan. I can't put this story down. Your character development is one of the best. Please, keep writing. Ignore haters and you will always have a fan in me.

i think its a very nice story thoe i ddnt lak marrisa wld hv prefered he ends up w susan

rqst drivel

seems like this chapter was inserted for the Lit readers who need a scene or two of bedroom romping to keep going.

A curve ball.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't see that one coming at all, not sure yet if I like it or not, maybe could have done with out it, but then again its your story, me I'm still pulling for Susan, got to be Susan......

better with every chapter...can hardly wait to see what she wears to the party,,,,george

Still five stars. Still love it. Him going with the editor is simply an unrealistic turn of events. He hooks up with Susan, and is ready to marry her after one weekend. But he moves on without shedding a tear. He has an incredible experience with Allie and builds her up to be this phenomenal woman, but then drops her over the baby secret (which was only a suspicion on the part of the ex wife). Then there is his ex . . . There is no chemistry between him and the editor, no hints of an attraction, and yet in one chapter he is totally committed. A little hard to swallow.

It is getting tolong. Still well written. Still interesting but not so much. Too long and not enough plot the story is runing out of juice. But what really thrills me is your really superfial approach to the main charcters feelings.

Let me give you and example: Why did Kristin changed her heart--- just because Randy left her... Her remorse - if real- is not believable. And he is willing considering taking her back based on what... past memories... and then while he is playing back and forth with her ex bitch wife he keeps smeeping with another women...

Sorry man, your charcters has no consistency. they look like horny teenagers, not grown ups.

comments and attempts to - I dunno what and I don't care, I like the story and don't need to understand why or what it could have been if it was a different story .. Scotty

Writers are artists just like musicians. No one cares how they dress.

Also, since when is a Tapas restaurant so upscale that anyone would care about some Goth/Hipster chick's clothes.

Damn, another interesting woman. The Goth chic is hard for me to understand because she lives in a world so different than mine. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing what makers her tick. Her sister was sure hot, and his ex is hot, and her sister . . . damn, this guy fell into a world of interesting women with flaws.

I like Marissa! I hope that it works out!