Wishing: A Sex Genie Story Ch. 01

Finish...

I just hope that you don't do what Joe Brolly and 800lb gorilla has done. Not finish both of their stories!

good start

You're off to a good start. Love the Joe Brolly universe and hope you keep it up.

Keep it going.

Like the other comments, keep it going to the end. Joe and the gorilla both seemed to just stop.

Good start

I am another fan of the sex genie stories. I reserved comment and only gave a 3 to part 00. So far this one looks promising and I gave it a 5. I would be interested in knowing what you plan to do with it.

Someone started one a few months ago and apparently dropped it when a few people didn't like the change he made, making the master somewhat magical himself (The Beautiful Night).

Of the 2 GOOD stories, I liked 800's version best. He really wanted to help people instead of Joe's capitalistic version. Although I have to admit that when he stopped, Joe seemed to be getting away from that and getting a bit more dramatic. The drama is nice too.

One person commented on your character's weight. 350 lbs is heavy on a 6'6" body but not sumo size.

The only other comment I have so far is to edit a bit more. I have found several places where there was misspelling. If you want help with that, I am an editor. (Yeah, I know. Ulterior motive. But the comment was serious.)

I too hope you can complete the story. Too many authors are stopping in the middle of a darn good story on this site. I am sure they have their reasons, but it is frustrating.

Excellent!

The first part showed that you can write well, and this part showed that you can write sex scenes well. I look forward to both Walter and Ruri being fleshed out more as characters, and to this story continuing.

On the critical side, I will echo what some others have sad, and point out that there are some minor spelling and grammar mistakes to address. Other than that, a great story.

I look forward to more.

Great start! Please, a long story with an ending. I hate it when a writer gets us hooked and then does not follow up to the end. I wish Brolly would finish his story or at least let someone else do so. Maybe you?

Still very good

Still a very good start, please keep writing. One spot that I was lost a bit was with her "pin" hair. I am guessing it was supposed to be pink and got messed up in the editing process?

There is a bit in the story where it feels like you are just following in the foot steps of the previous sex genie stories. I understand that having the sex genie who is also a bit mischievous and strong willed is great for the story, and produces, on the whole, the best kind of sex genies, but it felt a little too lock step in line with the previous stories.

Having said that, I'm sure as the story progresses, and you flush your characters and their lives out, your story will grow and thrive on its own merits and feel more unique.

OOPS!

Posted this in chapter 00 by mistake. HERE is is where it needed posting.

"...the head of his cock went in easily until it met with an obstruction."

PLEASE! Read the following:

http://storiesonline.net/doc/The_Hymen

Good but could be better

I agree with 'MarshalJon13' that you have shown that you can write well, just some minor stuff wrong that I think you will fix naturally as you get more experienced. But you really need you flesh out Ruri & Walter more also I think you assume people have read 'Joe Brolly' and '800IbGorrila' work before this so you don't explain things as much as you should and just expect people to know about rules of this world.

But over all a good beginning I just hope you don't do what 'Joe Brolly' and '800IbGorrila' did and leave the story unfinished.

beautiful

Beautiful.

Not to be blunt, but...

There's inspiration and there's ripping someone off. Nodding to someone at the beginning of the story doesn't give you license to then lightly re-skin it and publish it. I'm not saying you're a bad writer, you have a distinct flair, and your style could take an original story places; but parts of this are almost word-for-word Joe B. That said, you're contributing, and the spelling and grammar were good, so you're still in the top 15%, good on you mate.

I do not think that it is ripping off, as you need to present the reader to the same universe as both Joe Brolly and 800lbGorilla, so this beginning is to be expected and perhaps necessary. Where you take it now is crucial and can show your imagination. I look forward to next chapters.

Thanks

I really enjoy reading these types of stories. please please don't do what te oter two did and leave us hagimg to long.

Thank you for the return of the series

Some may find it tasteless, but it is the definition of 'fanfiction'. I hope for a great and well thought out, sexy, and COMPLETE story.

I wish you all the best.

Keep going!

You're doing well. Keep writing. I look forward to more chapters. I've been frustrated that Joe Brolly and 800IBGorilla haven't continued their versions, so I welcome what you're doing. Ignore the naysayers -- they aren't contributing any writing themselves (in virtually all cases). Those who cannot DO seem to enjoy criticizing those who try. Forget them and keep writing! Thanks.

There is a synopsis

I used to edit this story, but had to stop then NukeEmFromOrbit quit too. There is a synopsis at the end of chapter 4 for those interested.