All Comments on 'Another Word For Miscarriage'

Very metaphoric; nothing is stated outright and yet everything is clear as a bell to me. And that end line is perfect. This one is a solid five imo!

~Angeline

to some of the women experiencing miscarriages who read on their notes 'abortion'.

your write is brimful of sensory input, vrose, all making for a vivid impact. grains of salt may be simply those, left over from (perhaps) the eaten egg - the egg, again, absolutely relevant in my mind to this piece) but they also stand as a metaphor for wisdom (attic salt), especially when linked to 'on the paper'. although the demand is harsh, is the termination a wiser move in the end? that kind of thing. yes, the visuals are clear, simple, the underlined words of his note quite brutal, but the piece opens out making us look beyond those to other thoughts, other considerations.

even the peeling of the orange is, to me, linked visually with the stripping of the womb - the way abortions were once carried out.

.....is so sensitive and well done. I felt the loneliness and sorrow, the ache in her chest and unthinking male who thinks nothing of what his four hundred bucks is buying.

A beautiful poem about an ugly subject, a rare thing.

Tess

Thank you

that hit hard and sent chills through me. A title is so appropriate and says so much within itself. Simple beautiful and poignant. Thank you for posting.

In so few words, you encapsulate the agony of the situation so eloquently. Exceptional.

The last line really tied this together for me-- I have felt that-- the moments in the middle of intensity, trying to move through everyday oranges and salt, trying to focus, something small, manageable-- of course, the double meaning of the something small. You painted this picture very clearly, I could see it and feel it. Nice.

Very intense poem, very well written. If you are looking for suggestions, read on, if not, close the window now :)

Spacing is off between salt and the. The all caps show emphasis in the note, but for me, it took away from the power of the message (note already underlined) Sometimes layering the intensity can get distracting to me.

Not sure what the intent was with the nipples... but they felt out of place, maybe I have been away from literotica too long, but nothing about this poem has sexual or sensual feel like nipples do.

I really really enjoyed this piece.

I don't 'like' this poem but it is undenyably good and powerful.Its stength is the contrast between the momentous and the mundane with a perfect last line.

One or two words could be titivated here and there but still a terrific poem.

man oh man I submitted a poem last night and could not get the space after a comma! It kept looking like a double space.... maybe it is my computer/browser, who knows!

Finally managed to vote and comment on how sad this poem is

think of something small, else raise think(ing) to previous line. You want the declining line length

easy 100

I voted on this poem the first time I read it, and then I turned away without commenting. I wanted to put it out of my mind. Turns out that wasn't possible.

I gave it a five.

"I sit, peel an orange, consume his words", an excellent way of showing (not telling) the reader how the narrator is attempting to maintain control over her emotions. Well done.

what they say vrose, again the minimal cutting poem. Your coup d'etat.

except to say this is your best poem to date, V, and haunting in its abrupt detail. TY.

I finally caught up with this, Vee. All the lines carried weight and were woven together well. Whether it's your best, I don't know because I haven't read all of your stuff, but this is an exceptional poem in my opinion. I think 12o1's comment is excellent and would add a certain visual dimension the poem's theme, but I think the omission of "thinking" without adding something to replace it would change the meaning if I'm reading the poem correctly. An easy 5 in my book.

I finally caught up with this, Vee. (I find it hard to write and read a lot at the same time.) This is exceptional. Every line carried its own weight and wove nicely with each other. I like the title too.

12o1 gave an intriguing suggestion, which would add emphasis to the poem's theme with a visual dimenstion, although without a substitution for "thinking," I think the meaning of the line wouldn't be what you intended if I'm reading it correctly.

The anonymous five was mine.

Ungodly as a child's shriek.

Spiderlike, I spin mirrors,

Loyal to my image,

Uttering nothing but blood---

Taste it, dark red!

And my forest

My funeral,

And this hill and this

Gleaming with the mouths of corpses.