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English
No clue.....
.....what this about but - oh - some great lines - example -
"I am the foot that
quivers under the stall. I am the
falling belt, I am the marble truth,
the fix that never sticks, the penance
that never ends."
This is one of those poems where it doesn't matter what it's about, it's just a joy to read.
Tess
*****
Five.
This is the best
response to the "who's the I" question raised on the forum, and you built a wonderful and (imo) really funny poem from it. I love the way it goes from tiny points to universals and back again, flowing seamlessly. Otoh I think it's a lot of words and there a are few lines/phrases you could edit out, like "The same to which we return" for example. But most of it is just right--and keep those dancin' pronouns: they made me laugh out loud!
edit
In this sentence, I am the I who switches
lanes without signaling intention. They told us
girl, cross your legs! They tell us shave them
nice and close first, then hold that pose 30 seconds.
Billboards sell themselves.
I fill these balloons with my own air.
Hell, I don't even care if you watch.
(I lied. Look at me.
For you I pink and glitter,
pull ribbons into honeysuckle curls.)
MegaPlexXXX comes up the highway on
the left. Privacy fences protect the
innocent visitor who buys what we tell
him to buy. Just not here, or like that for
God's sake, not with your wife's credit card.
I am the foot that quivers under
the stall. I am the falling belt, I am
the marble truth, the fix that never sticks, the
penance that never ends.
We do not mean to confuse you, love.
You know who you are. But who is this
other? Is it you or is it just another
chain-smoke leaning look-alike?
Did you notice people rarely whistle any more?
We are radial splash. We are the run-off puddle he
swerves to avoid while we aim straight in
to spray magic over the hood and again. Look!
Someone dropped a penny in. Was it you?
Nice
read. Gotta spend some time on it. Intriguing wordplay.
I too need to spend sometime with this one.
I think I get its about porn use and neighbour squabbles about where this sort of thing should be. Could you inform? Gave it 100%
thanks
thanks for the comments! Overall, this is just a poem about the mixed messages that we get from society about sex. Cross your legs (modesty) but shave them first (so they are sexy) and hold that pose (sexual) Everyone sells sex but as soon as someone buys into it they are judged. That is pretty much it. Shouldn't explain, I know, but I could not help myself.
*
who is the other beside you?
100
I loved the complexity
and i see where you are coming from. Your edit answered some questions, but there are still some phrases I don't understand. I will return to this as it deserves it.
*****
Five.
not very good
lots of run on sentences and the style is mishmash chaos. Plus, why do some of you with ginormous egos think you have to run up the comment count by comenting on your own work. I bet you have yourself on your favorites lis
Hmmm Ms. Rain
I see what you are saying, thanks for explaining it to the dull-witted such as me.
Poor ad for poetry
I read your work hoping to find
Words that would fire my mind
Confound, astound and intrigue
Reveal you in a different league
So soon, alas, my hopes were dashed
The more I read the more you crashed
Confusing lines that made no sense,
Or perhaps it's me? perhaps I'm dense?
Perhaps this poem's really great
But reading it was a mistake.
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