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English
Give your reader a chance
Not a convincing poem. it's clear that it's not about a trapeze artist (too bad). As a reader, I feel that I was not given a chance to care about the two characters of this poem. After finishing the reading I still don't know anything about them. Why "boring"?--or pretending boredom? Why notes were taken secretly? There is nothing to make the paradox of "boring" and "flying" combination interesting. The logic of flying and supplying the net is not clear--why should it be the lyrical subject who provides the net? I can't identify with the drama--I was not given any reason to care. There are some statements in this poem, but it's still pretty much empty.
Thank you
for taking the trouble to comment at length. This is, nevertheless, the most profound misreading of a poem I have ever read.
I'm no Senna.....
...Jawa but I have to confess to my confusion. The "flying" analogy argues with the "arse on the sofa". I can deduce enough that it's a one sided marriage in danger of falling apart with no "safety net". I'm not as exercised as S.J. seems to be - just befuddled. It has the feeling of a verse from a longer poem, I'd like to know/read more.
Tess
~
Well it made me smile and I got it!
Go ahead UYS
Why don't you share?
seems pretty clear to me
offspring, teenager, pretending ennui but learning by observation.
now they're out there, 'flying', the narrator perceives his own shortcomings. hindsight can be cruel. parents can only ever try to do their best - and sometimes, for some kids, one's best is never good enough. sometimes we think we've given our all, but later realise we could have done more.
one suggestion, friday, and that would be to split this in two. make that a more defined break between the past and present.
good work!
I'm not sure there is anything real deep here, or if there is it went over my head....I just like the feel of it. I think it is a good piece of poetry!
Hm...
Koba - :-)
chipbutty - but of course, how could I miss it? This poem is about the first female catholic pope!!!
unfortunate combination
Like Tristesse2, I felt an immediate discomfort caused by the "popping on a sofa" and "flying through air" juxtaposition. Perhaps in the author's mind these are two independent elements. But logic is only one of the aspects of a poem. Every two moments in a poem actively coexist in a way which either contributes to the artistic effect or detracts from it.
Perhaps a clue
might be the past tense of the first 4 lines and the present tense of the rest? It boggles me how such a simple poem can have confused you so. Chip got it in one:)
to senna
"chipbutty - but of course, how could I miss it? This poem is about the first female catholic pope!!!"
i see no point in this response to me and feel it is beneath your talents as a poet. not every poem is so deep one needs sat nav to negotiate it. this isn't one of my favourites of friday's and i voted accordingly. you are as free to like or dislike anyone's offerings as i, but how you didn't 'get' its simple message is beyond me unless it's down to confusion through language/heritage.
*
fridayam, I had a problem with the poem, and now the comments confuse me more. It is an easy 100, I would give you more, because it prompted this comment:
From Senna:
"But logic is only one of the aspects of a poem. Every two moments in a poem actively coexist in a way which either contributes to the artistic effect or detracts from it."
This should be engraved in stone.
Glad I read the poem before the comments.
It worked for me, and I seemed to understand it as intended.
There's something there though that may be part of what others are saying: You use descriptive telling for the past, and then a metaphor for the present. To me it feels like those approaches don't work all that well together. They kind of...chafe a little.
~
I simply read it as as much as you do for them it isn't enough, should I have been delving deeper?
No UYS, that was deep enough
but it's not about not doing enough. My point about the trapeze is that you never lose your fear for your children, however much you've given them, however wonderfully they can perform their act.
Btw, I'm astonished that what I thought was the least and simplest of my poems has caused such debate:)
Multiple interpretations
Actually, the poem does not pose any English language challenges. I understand it perfectly both English wise and as a poetic text (it's really easy).
Interpretation, where the lyrical subject (the "I" of the poem or narrator) is a sugar daddy (or mommy :-), and the addressee (the "you" of the poem) is his (her) lover is at least as close to the text as the intended interpretation about a parent and a child.
Multiple interpretations are most of the time a plus for a poem. But here we have just a couple of plain statements, and nothing for a true poetry reader to do, to feel... Looking for interpretations does not count. Poetry is not about solving puzzles, especially that the puzzle is not well defined in the first place.
(I've written also a much longer comment but decided to keep it to myself after all :-).
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