Clean and easy story, but more details would have helped it. Why did he do the DNA testing? What was his relationship with his wife and why did she cheat? Why did they not have any kids of their own? What happened to the wife and girls once the truth came out?
More information please. Why did he get a DNA test? What made him suspect? Did she know the girls were not his? Also a little info on her reasons would have been nice. Why, after her exceedingly long term affair, was she unwilling to cut him any slack at all?
I was thinking he had just got the results of a VD test. I did like the fact that he was able to inflict the pain and anguish he was feeling back on her. Except for the part that he actually lived it.
A rewrite that answered at least some of the questions could have made this a better story. Checking some legal facts might help too. Here, in California, the courts don't care if the DNA says the child isn't genetically the husband's, he pays child support anyway.
The premise of the story is good and could make a very entertaining story. IMHO, this wasn't it. This was a good first draft. Revise it and it could be great.
I loved the fact that he basically had her pass judgment on herself. If she had been forgiving he would have been as well. She was unyielding so he applied the same standard of judgment. I agree that it could have been tuned up to read better and be more understandable but the concept was very fresh.
I admit that I was a bit confused by the fact he could do his wife on the kitchen table after discovering the infidelity.... Quick firm strokes made the story. I do believe that the lawyer must have done some maneuvering in order to have a sitting judge who would put up with this sort of maneuvre..
Maybe a little too short, & too cursory; but I liked the concept of letting the wifey hang herself. Note to Scorpio; I'm an attorney in Georgia; and the DNA results in this state would be enough to relieve him of any child support payments going forward
I agree with some of the other comments that the story was rather fast and compressed--so that some facts were not all that clear to readers. But the idea itself was a nice twist.
Nice first part of what I hope is a three part story. If this is all then it sucks.
Give is more and finish this story.
by
Anonymous01/25/11
Good idea
though the story should have been more fully developed. One could say that both the story and you as an author have considerable potential. Keep coming up with the ideas and work to completely flesh them out.
At first I wasn't going to comment, but then I thought I might (^_^)
I liked it!
It was a different twist, it said basically "How could you expect me to live with what you couldn't do" type of story, but he gave her a chance to lay her cards on the table first but say "It was just sex" and have them both start with a clean slate.
He went the love route first.
But the twist at the end was nice and unexpected. (^_^)
I too agree it seems a little short and a closure where he's happy and getting the family he wanted would be nice.
-Risq
PS: I kept waiting for the part where he said "While be both agreed that infidelity was to be put on the decree, she agreed to it because she felt it was mine. I still request that it be added even though the blame lies with her because I wouldn't expect her to live with anything less than that she would expect me to live with"
Or something like that (^_^)
by
Anonymous01/28/11
Good start but needed an editor
Your basic premise was interesting. However, you telegraphed it from the beginning.
The holes in your story have been covered before. Let me add just one more, there is no freaking way companies will pay for not enforcing a portion of a contract meant to be for their benefit. With all the extra-marital sex going on in the work force, settlements would eclipse the national debt!
ttom
He got almost net 500000. It is enough to look for a young wife in South East Asia. I would prefer Thailand, Laos, Wietnam or Philippines and start a new family.
Authors can now be assured of receiving multiple 5's whenever DWeeb Dwornock posts another of his moronic comments (apologies to all real morons who are offended by being lumped in with him).
Is it really possible to for a husband to sue a company when a wife has an affair with her boss?
It certainly could be sexual harassment and the wife could make a case. But most states have dropped alienation of affection complaints and I don't really believe that the husband has a case here. The wife yes. I know of a case where a nurse seduced a doctor, and because the nurse had been a patient of the doctor, took him to the cleaners. He should have known better, but didn't see it coming. All the wife would have to do in this story would be to complain her boss pressured her for sex. So ironically I believe the wife could make money out of her infidelity, but not the husband. Wish authors would do a little more research on how the system actually works.
that Dwornock never posts a comment if BILLYTHEGER writes a comment???The same person, perhaps?
by
Anonymous12/01/11
Tortious Interference
Otherwise known as Intentional Interference With Contractual Relations. Think any company wants to deal with a legal suit that can cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars? That's why convoluted HR manuals often include clauses where the company can fire the individuals for cause if the relation is between a superior and a subordinate or if it embarrasses the company. This gives them great leeway if an office affair causes legal issues.
Why are all your stories so short?! This was ok but the abrupt ending really didn't do it for me. I wanted to know if she was sorry or if she wanted to be with her boss or her husband. Instead what I as a reader got was a WTF? Momment
by
Anonymous05/22/12
Okay...
If you had told the entire story with appropriate tension from when he discovered the truth the strory would have been excellent. We all could see your potential as a great story teller, but most of us feel cheated as you just made it an incomplete and cute twist of the cheating theme... Oh well, it's your story to tell. Thank you for the entertainment anyway.
Good tale that needs no ending. We know what happened.
I HATE CHEATING WIVES.
Fuck 'em
by
Anonymous06/14/12
sold out
his tongue laved the turgid cock, a cornhole reamed, betrayed!
by
Anonymous06/27/12
Ron Wood
You want to state your opinion, fine. But don't put the rest of us in with it.
Where do you get this most of us?
by
Anonymous04/02/13
Off easy?
The cheating wife still seemed to get off easy. Got her 50%, didn't loose her job and got shared custody. Maybe a little longer story with a little more followup to the divorce?
by
Anonymous04/13/13
Not an ending...
She appears to have gotten away with it with minimal damage. Her lover with no damage. How can this be an ending?
English
Limited
Clean and easy story, but more details would have helped it. Why did he do the DNA testing? What was his relationship with his wife and why did she cheat? Why did they not have any kids of their own? What happened to the wife and girls once the truth came out?
Short and Sweet!
It would have been nice to know a bit more about the background. Thanks for sharing the story.
Story is okay . . .
. . . but the whole premise is as screwed up as I can imagine.
Poorly written
Inadequate story line, poor punctuation, and lousy word choices took a toll on this story.
Too many cut corners, unanswered questions, leaps of illogic. Needs an editor's help.
Good but...
More information please. Why did he get a DNA test? What made him suspect? Did she know the girls were not his? Also a little info on her reasons would have been nice. Why, after her exceedingly long term affair, was she unwilling to cut him any slack at all?
I was thinking he had just got the results of a VD test. I did like the fact that he was able to inflict the pain and anguish he was feeling back on her. Except for the part that he actually lived it.
Thanks for sharing.
Sneaky
Loved the Idea that the Hubby looked like the Cheater.
but in the End Wifey brought everything into the Open and cost her and her Lover a Great Deal.
Too many holes...
A rewrite that answered at least some of the questions could have made this a better story. Checking some legal facts might help too. Here, in California, the courts don't care if the DNA says the child isn't genetically the husband's, he pays child support anyway.
The premise of the story is good and could make a very entertaining story. IMHO, this wasn't it. This was a good first draft. Revise it and it could be great.
Great concept
I loved the fact that he basically had her pass judgment on herself. If she had been forgiving he would have been as well. She was unyielding so he applied the same standard of judgment. I agree that it could have been tuned up to read better and be more understandable but the concept was very fresh.
Great concept and good first draft
Needed many more revelations and tension as they unfold...
Good Flash Story
I admit that I was a bit confused by the fact he could do his wife on the kitchen table after discovering the infidelity.... Quick firm strokes made the story. I do believe that the lawyer must have done some maneuvering in order to have a sitting judge who would put up with this sort of maneuvre..
Good beginning
Maybe a little too short, & too cursory; but I liked the concept of letting the wifey hang herself. Note to Scorpio; I'm an attorney in Georgia; and the DNA results in this state would be enough to relieve him of any child support payments going forward
Father of what boy in 5 months?
I didn't get it and I didn't vote.
Very clever concept
I agree with some of the other comments that the story was rather fast and compressed--so that some facts were not all that clear to readers. But the idea itself was a nice twist.
Thanks,
ohio
Nice first part of what I hope is a three part story. If this is all then it sucks.
Give is more and finish this story.
Good idea
though the story should have been more fully developed. One could say that both the story and you as an author have considerable potential. Keep coming up with the ideas and work to completely flesh them out.
Good Idea.
I will agree with others taht the story is open ended, and feels like there is more to the story. Another chapter would be appreciated.
Totally confused
What was the business about a son being born in 5 months?
Need another chapter. But it was good
Minimalist original
Like Brancusi's "Baby" the essence has been stated. Completely original revenge. I agree with jasonnh: her behavior was the predicate for his.
At first I wasn't going to comment, but then I thought I might (^_^)
I liked it!
It was a different twist, it said basically "How could you expect me to live with what you couldn't do" type of story, but he gave her a chance to lay her cards on the table first but say "It was just sex" and have them both start with a clean slate.
He went the love route first.
But the twist at the end was nice and unexpected. (^_^)
I too agree it seems a little short and a closure where he's happy and getting the family he wanted would be nice.
-Risq
PS: I kept waiting for the part where he said "While be both agreed that infidelity was to be put on the decree, she agreed to it because she felt it was mine. I still request that it be added even though the blame lies with her because I wouldn't expect her to live with anything less than that she would expect me to live with"
Or something like that (^_^)
Good start but needed an editor
Your basic premise was interesting. However, you telegraphed it from the beginning.
The holes in your story have been covered before. Let me add just one more, there is no freaking way companies will pay for not enforcing a portion of a contract meant to be for their benefit. With all the extra-marital sex going on in the work force, settlements would eclipse the national debt!
ttom
Refreshing!!!!!!!!!!
Good story with a new twist I like. [Thank you] for a good read.
It's certainly different
A nice twist to a story that was totally different in the end as to what I thought it would be.
Thanks for the read.
A very fine story!
I would like to see more of this kind of writing, so please continue writing. R.T.
Great twist & suitable ending to such slut ex-wives!
Hope the bitch rots in hell. Author - please keep them coming like this one!
I didn't like it
She basicily got away scott free, she still gets half and he gets to be there only half of the time for kids that aren't his
He got almost net 500000. It is enough to look for a young wife in South East Asia. I would prefer Thailand, Laos, Wietnam or Philippines and start a new family.
Old people are not sexy
1
DWornock you are an idiot.
Nice story!
Long or Short Story
I enjoyed it. I gave you a "5". But I did not want it to end so soon.
You could have weaved quite a long tale out of this concept.
Cordially,
Cladymoor
DWornock
because of your comments; the story/author gets 5 Stars from me.
Don't blame Dwornock
He can't help it if he's shallow.
This could change the voting system at Literotica
Authors can now be assured of receiving multiple 5's whenever DWeeb Dwornock posts another of his moronic comments (apologies to all real morons who are offended by being lumped in with him).
KEEPING THE LOVE OF 2 NOT HIS BLOOD, BUT SWEAT AND TEARS
and now he tries to fulfill a dream. TK U MLJ LV NV
It Ended
way to soon. An epilogue is neefed. Great story needs a great finish!
Is it really possible to for a husband to sue a company when a wife has an affair with her boss?
It certainly could be sexual harassment and the wife could make a case. But most states have dropped alienation of affection complaints and I don't really believe that the husband has a case here. The wife yes. I know of a case where a nurse seduced a doctor, and because the nurse had been a patient of the doctor, took him to the cleaners. He should have known better, but didn't see it coming. All the wife would have to do in this story would be to complain her boss pressured her for sex. So ironically I believe the wife could make money out of her infidelity, but not the husband. Wish authors would do a little more research on how the system actually works.
Have you noticed...
that Dwornock never posts a comment if BILLYTHEGER writes a comment???The same person, perhaps?
Tortious Interference
Otherwise known as Intentional Interference With Contractual Relations. Think any company wants to deal with a legal suit that can cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars? That's why convoluted HR manuals often include clauses where the company can fire the individuals for cause if the relation is between a superior and a subordinate or if it embarrasses the company. This gives them great leeway if an office affair causes legal issues.
5 stars!!
Nice!!
And the boss has his other issues too, with finality, - but with no standing for the children, he may have a problem
Now that is the way to produce chaos for a slut!
Nice plot line, author!
#2 NO COMMENT FROM THE WIFES SIDE
is there an epilog coming or her side. TK U MLJ LV NV
It just felt incomplete, to be truthful - 4 Stars.
I HOPE YOU TELL US THE WHOLE STORY AT SOME POINT.
Way to short & incomplete
Why are all your stories so short?! This was ok but the abrupt ending really didn't do it for me. I wanted to know if she was sorry or if she wanted to be with her boss or her husband. Instead what I as a reader got was a WTF? Momment
Okay...
If you had told the entire story with appropriate tension from when he discovered the truth the strory would have been excellent. We all could see your potential as a great story teller, but most of us feel cheated as you just made it an incomplete and cute twist of the cheating theme... Oh well, it's your story to tell. Thank you for the entertainment anyway.
Ron Wood/Old Marine Vet
Excellent
Good tale that needs no ending. We know what happened.
I HATE CHEATING WIVES.
Fuck 'em
sold out
his tongue laved the turgid cock, a cornhole reamed, betrayed!
Ron Wood
You want to state your opinion, fine. But don't put the rest of us in with it.
Where do you get this most of us?
Off easy?
The cheating wife still seemed to get off easy. Got her 50%, didn't loose her job and got shared custody. Maybe a little longer story with a little more followup to the divorce?
Not an ending...
She appears to have gotten away with it with minimal damage. Her lover with no damage. How can this be an ending?
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