homeNon-Erotic Poetrywhite flagsPublic Comments

All Comments  for

white flags

bybutters©
All
Comments (8)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Esperanza_Hidalgo01/24/11

chip

I throughly enjoyed this unpretentious verse. Minimal words to convey deep meaning thrills. Nice.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by theognis01/24/11

*****

Maybe 'the subconscious' instead of 'subconsciousness'?

Five.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Angeline01/24/11

What Espy said

Says a lot with very few words. I think it would be even stronger without the middle strophe which sounds a bit "explaining" to me--it's true but it's something you're telling me as compared to the strophes that precede and follow it where the images carry the ideas.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by GuiltyPleasure01/24/11

You're.....

....certainly on a poetic roll today! Three good 'uns. Apart from subconsciouness I have no niggle. Love these lines -

"lovers
march blindly with the band
hands behind their backs
bright hearts exposed" - aliteration and internal rhyme.

Tess

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by fridayam01/25/11

A lovely verse

and keep subconsciousness--you are right:)

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by vrosej1001/25/11

Short and sweet.

I loved it but wanted more detail (this is probably me; I'm in a weird mood this arvo). Getting a recommend.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by twelveoone01/25/11

*

curious misreading band hands, doesn't she mean bound, no this is chipbuddy, she don't go there, but here is where she shouldn't go either:
march blindly with the band
hands behind their backs
nice parallel sound, but...
to be honest, I'm not sure about the whole poem, and may actually read better with "bound", love not only being blind but stupid at times.
100

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Liar01/25/11

*

thought the subconscious was the heart, vs the conscious as the head
either way, I feel that stanza is somehow out of place, in a poem that begins grandly and ends even better. It's probably the repetition of heart and hearts that I'm hung up on. And that impossibly long word in a poem with otherwise scaled back language.

Nitpicks though - this is gooood.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to white flags  or
More submissions by butters.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission.

Post comment as (click to select):

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel