Well written. You got me right where you wanted me... my mind was humming along... ho hummm another one of those stories... when yikes... she woke up and the story took off.
Great job.
by
Anonymous01/25/11
Are you
writing a script, stage directions or director's comments?
If you still don't understand what I mean, please go to your library and check out a novel, preferably one of those recently released ones that are on their top twenty list, and then an older one like a Tom Sawyer adventure or a James Bond thriller.
Please note the tense the books are written in.
by
Anonymous02/01/11
Well Done
Personally I love the way this is written, it really let imagine yourself in the story. I loved the way you twisted it. Please Keep writting
It was a sexy story although the name calling was a turn off for me. Good luck in the contest.
by
Anonymous02/07/11
Tenses & verb forms need work
I'm an editor. I notice typos, subj/verb agreement, and verb tenses.
I might have liked the story, but I couldn't finish reading it because the hopping around between verb tenses and sentence fragments (or wrong verb forms) bothered me too much.
by
Anonymous02/07/11
Too serious....
This is a website for amateur authors, so comments that pinpoint bad writting & errors are redundant!!!...This story was very sexy, and the strong language helped punctuate the tone of the sexual encounter, talking dirty is always present in good sex. This story addressed a secret desire in me that I didn't know I had, so for that "well done".
English
OH MY GOD!
this was an amazing story! keep writing!
Tightly written
Hot and credible. It may be your first story on Lit, but I don't believe its your first story. More please.
That was some introduction!
It's a treat to have you aboard, Wendy! This was quite excellent and, for a first submission, quite incredible - you write so well.
I shall be keeping a close eye for any new stories from you and I hope they won't be too long in making an appearance.
Thank you, you have a great talent for the erotic - and now you have found the very place to exercise it :) !
traci
Nicely done
Well written. You got me right where you wanted me... my mind was humming along... ho hummm another one of those stories... when yikes... she woke up and the story took off.
Great job.
Are you
writing a script, stage directions or director's comments?
If you still don't understand what I mean, please go to your library and check out a novel, preferably one of those recently released ones that are on their top twenty list, and then an older one like a Tom Sawyer adventure or a James Bond thriller.
Please note the tense the books are written in.
Well Done
Personally I love the way this is written, it really let imagine yourself in the story. I loved the way you twisted it. Please Keep writting
Hmmm..
It was a sexy story although the name calling was a turn off for me. Good luck in the contest.
Tenses & verb forms need work
I'm an editor. I notice typos, subj/verb agreement, and verb tenses.
I might have liked the story, but I couldn't finish reading it because the hopping around between verb tenses and sentence fragments (or wrong verb forms) bothered me too much.
Too serious....
This is a website for amateur authors, so comments that pinpoint bad writting & errors are redundant!!!...This story was very sexy, and the strong language helped punctuate the tone of the sexual encounter, talking dirty is always present in good sex. This story addressed a secret desire in me that I didn't know I had, so for that "well done".
bound by...
an interesting read, that I fell into...
Wonderful!
Loved your story; tasteful, exciting. The power of the mind is all
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