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English
*****
"the sea-otter embarked on his
lonely voyage of self-discovery,
cracking certainty with a stone
balanced on his breath."
Five.
It is beyond flattering
to have this lovely poem dedicated to me. Thank you. It's a fluent, fluid piece of writing. I'd move "contemplate" to the start of the next line and maybe juggle the breaks a bit on those few lines (lines 14-15). But that's a nitpick about a beautiful poem. :-)
Nice
visual at the end. I can hear what the otter is doing.
such vivid contrasts
beginning to end. and what an end... those lines are breathtaking!
the noise, the push and the shove and the momentum, harshness, turbulence .. all held up against that moment, that pinnacle of absolute 'stop here and breathe'-ness.
and am left wondering... who, or what, exactly, are the 'others'... you got my mind working on this one, friday. loved it!
*
as always good, for me a mystery.
Here is your low point:
growls and belches its way
not bad for the low
Ending, fabulous
100 btw
a lovely puzzle
with pretty pieces
that I can't quite put together.
Not sure what's what in the opening lines, but from a third down and to the end, it all slides into place. The ending, as others have said, is top notch.
clueless but...
...fascinating. What this poem is about I don't know, though I don't feel that is necessary, it keeps me glued to the end so by my measure that's a good poem. I agree with 1201 growl and belch is weak and cliched but no one should get away criticism free.
I'm guessing the poem is something to do with lumberjacks and a timber train heading for the coast. I remember seeing a timber train almost two miles long in Canada BC 30 years ago but that's got nothing to do with this poem.
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