My Demise

Grammar is your demise

Your demise is not in your story telling, but it's your arbitrary use of grammar. Dialogue should use quotation marks and set off a new paragraph. Abusing commas like that is a literary nightmare. After a while, I just started skimming because it was so hard to read.

Please, find yourself an editor. Someone who grasps the rules of writing.

Lots of work for an editor here...

...but it was a fine romp. Time to get a little more conventional with punctuation and grammar with the next story and I hope there will be another with this character.

Do they teach English in England?

.....or wherever in the UK? I have to agree, this story was damn near unreadable which the plethora of grammar errors. The entire third paragraph is one ghastly run-on sentence! Have you heard of a full stop? We call them periods here.

Do they teach quotation marks over there? What you all would call an "icky". There you use single quotes and here we use doubles. I don't much care which convention you chose but chose one and use it!

Keep writing but please get an editor!

C

This 'Writer' is not English. He is Spanish. So readers that complain about his writing skills and asking about the UK schools or where he was taught are stupid comments besides most Americans cant write either. I just hate his stories and the ideas behind them. I am also confused by his profile, he says his is 'Single' and yet later on says he is married with many kids and 1 grandchild. His stories are bad enough his real life must be just as bad.

Standary cuckold slut wife story (poorly written)

Not much else to say about it. Just a poorly written JPB clone.

I'm simply awestruck

by how badly this is written.

can't do it

I would say in my humble opinion that the sicko that wrote this would have a hard time walking and chewing gum at the same time.

The generally accepted UK standard for quote marks

Is double quote marks for direct speech, and single quote marks for quoted speech inside direct speech. I don't know about Spain or anywhere else.

A Good Porn Video

I thought you wrote the scenes well. The fact that English isn't your first language and what we read of it only adds to the image of the characters...brings them to life.
Lucky girl, I suppose Mark will get a rain check and check and check?
Thanks, good read!

annoyed

It never ceases to amaze me the comments you people leave. Its a erotic story for entertainment, not a blasted college term paper, or something like it. Get over it, read the story how it was meant to be read, for entertainment. If you cannot enjoy it, then pick another one, stop being writing critics.
As for the story, a good fantasy to have for any woman with a high sex drive.

very good story

..and I think she will be missing something
with her husband in their martial bed in the
future. Poor boy!

Well Shelly was right, she doesn't deserve Paul. I hope he soon finds out what a slut she is and dumps her before he works his ass off and has to split his assets with her. She doesn't deserve his money either.

Let's see, she is sexually blackmailing her husband into having a patio built, something he knows they can't afford. Then when they get tight on finances she pays the workers off with sex. She creates the problem and makes it worse. She's a self centered slut.

As to the grammar comments, an editor IS needed. I'm not going to eviscerate an author for small mistakes but not quoting speech is a pretty serious error. And yes, it does matter. Poor writing disrupts the flow of the story and lessens the understandability and enjoyment of the story. Authors that just want to spew out stories and don't care about user feedback can shut off comments. If comments are on I'm just as entitled as any other reader to say that cheating sluts screwing over a loving husband are a turnoff and so is poor grammar.

Hot story!

I had a lot of fun (if you know what I mean) reading this story.

I would blow off the anonymous criticism. Someone who hasn't the guts to allow you a rejoinder isn't worth listening to. As for the others:

I'd definitely work on punctuation, but, that said, you also have a decent grasp of middle/working class idioms in English. Your characters, both the speaker and the workers, actually sound plausible. And hot wife stories are always fun.

I'm looking for more exciting work from you.

She should just leave Paul

What a whore. If she has any feelings at all for Paul she would leave him now before he get hurt anymore. 1 star

Hi I'm shelly

And I'm a cheap whore who has no love or respect for my marriage.

Stupid slut, you deserve the STDs your gonna gave to live with. Hopefully you'll get one of kinds that makes you sterile so you won't pass on your crap genes. Such a stupid worthless slut.

in training

She is perfecting skills for when she's an ex-wife. And something to keep her in the basic needs to. The things that could screw up her situation and out of her control, So it goes

hot...

Well, Mr. Anon below certainly knows what he doesn't like. It's a shame he's too embarrassed to give his name or screen name. He's probably an ex-hubby who found himself on the receiving end of the cheating wife. With an attitude like that it's a wonder any woman would look twice at him.

I liked the story. I thought it was hot. I read all sorts of storys that I don't necessarily agree with in normal (moral) society, but then again, that's not why people come here to read. This is a place to come and read about things you may have thought of but would never have the nerve to do. I've read several of your stories and like what I see. I'll be back to read more.

Don't let the Mr. Anon's (or maybe it's a Ms Anon -- who knows) of the world get you down.

the comments are better than the story

Sad to say, but the truth. For many of these stories, the comments far outshine the story itself. I really get a chuckle from readers. Thanks a lot, some of you are just born jokers.lol