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bybutters©
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Comments (11)
by Anonymous

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by fridayam01/31/11

That's glorious Chip

It swept me in one gulp from beginning to end.

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by theognis01/31/11

*****

Five.

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by Angeline01/31/11

Very lovely and musical

though I think the music can get lost in the way the poem is displayed. I worked (a few rereads) until I heard its lilt and got what an elegant poem it is. I might break it into couplets to make it more spare looking and simpler to follow. Then I think it would move more readers the way it should. :-)

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by Liar01/31/11

Excellent!

Brooding, beautiful and about as well poised as a verse can get. Is this a set form or just free verse crafted into elegant balance?

The opening "and" pokes me in the eye. It becomes a "look at me, I'm so artistic" kind of thing, and I don't see what purpose it serves. There could be a point though, and I'm just missing it.

Other than that, this is as good as it gets.

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by butters01/31/11

well, i did write in iambs

i am an iambs cat ;)

sorry. erm, thanks a load, guys!

i'll respond properly over on the 'To keep the review thread clean' thread.

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by UnderYourSpell02/01/11

~

Wow! that's fabulous all I can say is more of the same please

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by twelveoone02/01/11

*

Despite title turn-off, little else to say, 'cept it seems to balance on the edge, which is where I like 'em
100!

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by GuiltyPleasure02/01/11

This.....

......has a classical feel to it. Not a word, a line out of place. Should be an H if not and E!

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by vrosej1002/03/11

I love this one.

Read it five time and still love it. Ditch the and at the beginning though. It is a stronger start from the next word. You are getting a recommend.

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by Esperanza_Hidalgo02/03/11

It is glorious

just a shout to the universe. I say yes my young soldier of ambrosia tears and with no dust to fear, the laurels are worth it, because the laurels are inside.

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by Anonymous03/03/11

*

I would say the whole thing is much ado about nothing. Iambs, yes, but it barely makes any sense at all.

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