by vrosej10
i totally agree.
the salt in the eyes thing's pretty good, too, well for me at least.
what's with the comma after lover? it affords a pause when the words are heard, but perhaps i'm having a brain-fart because the comma makes no sense there to me. a line-break would give you the same without being 'off'. i am pretty sleepy atm, so this might be why it's not registering...
No unnecessary words and everything is told in image and metaphor. Publish it!
as below, Agree, except this is a great line
my womb is an empty ballroom
but gender alignment seems to be off with
in this dream I am a man
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