It's very Anne Rice (Anne Rampling, A. N. Roquelaure, whatev). The only aspect that I don't like is that Simon was brought to this place against his will. Hopefully, he'll one day be given a choice to stay or go? Little things throw me off, like calling Anthony "foxy" (I think that was the last chapter, not a very descriptive word) and Anthony allowing Simon to sit next to him and sleep against his shoulder. Simon should've been closer to the floor and leaning against his leg. If stuff like that is a slip on Anthony's part, a sign of his affection, it might help to make that clear? Details matter -- was Simon given running shoes, or was he forced to run barefoot?
Keep up the good work. I like the concept. sort of like an "Indoor Dexter". Your editing is class "A".
by
Anonymous02/25/11
Good job
The story has a pretty strong effect on the reader. It raises a number of moral concerns, and though I am still not sure whether imagination should be exercised without limits, I have to admit I like it. Simon's humiliating adventure is exciting yet at the same time I sympathize with him and hope that in the end he will find freedom without prior irreparable damage to his self. I like the fact that even though he goes through great emotional turmoil and experiences terrible anxiety, he has not undergone substantial physical torture or forced sex.
English
I dig it!
It's very Anne Rice (Anne Rampling, A. N. Roquelaure, whatev). The only aspect that I don't like is that Simon was brought to this place against his will. Hopefully, he'll one day be given a choice to stay or go? Little things throw me off, like calling Anthony "foxy" (I think that was the last chapter, not a very descriptive word) and Anthony allowing Simon to sit next to him and sleep against his shoulder. Simon should've been closer to the floor and leaning against his leg. If stuff like that is a slip on Anthony's part, a sign of his affection, it might help to make that clear? Details matter -- was Simon given running shoes, or was he forced to run barefoot?
Like It
I just started this story today and so far I'm liking it. Keep going!
Excellent begining
Keep up the good work. I like the concept. sort of like an "Indoor Dexter". Your editing is class "A".
Good job
The story has a pretty strong effect on the reader. It raises a number of moral concerns, and though I am still not sure whether imagination should be exercised without limits, I have to admit I like it. Simon's humiliating adventure is exciting yet at the same time I sympathize with him and hope that in the end he will find freedom without prior irreparable damage to his self. I like the fact that even though he goes through great emotional turmoil and experiences terrible anxiety, he has not undergone substantial physical torture or forced sex.
Looking forward to reading following chapter.
o god this is horrible i know some people get off on this stuff . but i aint one of em . this should come with a health warning
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