You started in the past tense, and shifted into the present.
The story would be better if (1) there was some tension, or a twist - you have her going off to get fucked, and she does, and then she leaves - a bit more plot would improve the rating, and (2) if you told it completely in the past tense, with a bit more backstory
English
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A great story with potential. Make it readable.
A "3" but could be more
You started in the past tense, and shifted into the present.
The story would be better if (1) there was some tension, or a twist - you have her going off to get fucked, and she does, and then she leaves - a bit more plot would improve the rating, and (2) if you told it completely in the past tense, with a bit more backstory
OK
Lots of good words; often poorly used...or overused. But the story is intriguing, nevertheless.
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