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English
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the lit machine seems to be quirky, I hope I gave you 100
for new readers, notice these things W's:
wreathed in
widow’s weeds while
just the right amount of alliteration.
vice versa
the yin and the yang
in all things
nice write (~.-)
Your usual interesting language, well composed,
but Poet Guy is a little lost here, perhaps adrift between Proust and McCarthy as anchor, perhaps neither. The pairing of gawp/gaudy is particularly fine, though.
This is very good
I like the circularity of going from youth to elders in a poem about the dead. The construction of the piece supports and underscores the theme. Just the right amount of words, too, I think. More would have edged up on polemic but this is (to quote Goldilocks) just right. :-)
~
Made me think of Goths but I probably got it wrong,but enjoyed it anyway
~
Some cool assonance going on too. I like it though I am not sure I get it.
Unusual
which is friday's usual. Like the start flowing to a different point and contrasting. It does seem that each word is just right, not too much nor too little. I do understand what feelings you are conveying. Consider how bold and smart we think we are as youth, and then suddenly we figure out the parents weren't so stupid after all (excepting my mother, of course). We even start listening to that raucous rock they like, or artist come around from their day and you go, "Oh Sheet! That's ripe." Now that's a lot of gobbledygook that kinda spewed out, but guess not providing much of a critique. Just always liked the way to write a poem friday--different in voice and mood than everyone else.
A vision of sin and doom
I can envision this like some kind of early Renaissance diptych, the ashen-limbed ruined youth of Sodom pointing accusing fingers at the soon-to-be-ruined extravagance of their elders.
All coming, at the same time, from a Genesis-revising perspective that the sinners (or at least, the more sensible doomladen young) were in the right all along.
So to speak! At least I think the elders here are sinners of the more boring (and expensive) variety: the capitalist pigs of Gomorrha versus the bohemian, Goth youth?
Of course, there are strong indications the young are miserable (are the widow's weeds earned or a fashion statement?) --I ask this rhetorically, because I think it's fascinatingly oblique and haunted, as well as sexy in a doom-and-gloomy way.
one man's vice is another man's
...fashion statement
the second half reeks of the surety of teenagers, who know just how 'wrong' their elders have it all. :)
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