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Six Inches

byHyades©
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by Anonymous

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by twelveoone02/19/11

*

sounds like a commercial, late night. try not couplets, also feels like straight iamb. so it sounds like a jingle.

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by tigerjen02/20/11

Okay reading but felt that it could be better...its straightforward but needs a bit of sexy sizzle :) I look forward to reading more from you.

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by vrosej1002/22/11

~

In english it is hard to take end rhyme seriously. This is a serious poem. Try moving the rhyming elements to the middle of the line. They are not as noticable but still of the sonic patterning.

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