But this is the dumbest piece of shit I have seen in a long time. I stopped before the sex began because of the wildly improbable discussion involving the sister. You can't get a reader into a story if you start out from such a ridiculous premise. Try reading some quality writing before resuming your literary career.
This is a good read. Story line suits me as I always had a thing for my sis... never realized, though. It keeps the attention fairly well, and follows good order. Your grammar was good as well.
As to the 'anonymous' person who critiques in ill form, remember opinions vary, and anyone who slams without giving valid reasons is just a bigot... and a jerk, since they won't give their name.
Be well,
DCA
Well written and nicely presented. Smooth flowing. I did think that the end was a little rushed, and would have liked to have read more of their sexual tryst.
Sounds like she was not smart enough to come in out of the rain. But his sister... whats not to like. Does that make this a good family read? Fun story with proper rewards.
Well the story was decent. Actually the second time ive read it over the last few months and I believe previously I gave it a fair rating. I say this si that its clear that I dont hate it when O start pointing out blatant flaws so that future writing can be improved. Ill post using my 'handle' since so many goobs seem to think that just because someone posts as anon and leaves a negative comment they must be 'hiding' for some reason, pretty stupid premise, eh? What does it matter if I post with a name or not? Not like anyone is going to walk up to me at work and berate me because of my opinion of the story! Rofl. Idiots ;)
First being drunk. Most drunks dont slur. Period. If you want to convey being drunk, besides having stated that they are, simply extend the words; shhhit siss.. I am soooo drUNK! Less annoying and more believable. ...now maybe when you get upwards of 3.0 blood alcohol things might change ;) (but not that ammount of wine on a big ass guy like that!)
He said he liked tits in the b and c size and then sister says she wears a b or a c, a bit too obvious.
A guy that video tapes his sex and has a good relationship with his sister isnt going to bat an eye at at least telling his sister that his 'date' was going to envolve LOTS of nothing but sex, unless sister is a nun, but prolly even then ;)
Brother isnt going to freak out and jump up and run to the bathroom like a sexless 12 year old because his hand was on her thigh and his face was close to hers, obviously they are used to being somewhat close if back rubs are involved, and alcohol lubricates, not inhibits ;)
...as a side note, its getting kind of old how many authors initially write in the guy in incest stories as being whiny pussy whipped kids when the incest subject comes up (well ok, thats a bit harsh but...) ...reality is that this is pretty much the oposite of what would realky happen. Guys only worry about a few things: 1. does she REALLY want to do this like she is saying. 2. Is she on the pill, shot, have condom, no diseases etc. 3. Am I SURE we wont get caught. 3a. As a side note; make sure were not going to freak about it tomorrow. (Probably thinking about this while they are fucking ;)
Blowjobs. I guess everyone has their thoughts on them, but most guys I know could take them or leave them (even if the woman is good) and prefers to get to fucking. Nice when we were younger and our dates didnt want to do anything but oral, but unless its a fetish most of us only care about them as a quickie or a quick warm up for fucking! Long ago when I gave up being young I decided that if she only wants to give a blow job I'd rather wait till there is time for real sex, or find a girl that isnt limiting herself to oral. All or none in my book, and I can happily date without sex (well, you know what I mean!) or date someone who would rather order pizza and squeeze off a quickie while we're waiting for it to be delivered! Heh.
...anyway my nickel's worth!
Thanks for taking the time to write this story and I look forward to reading more of your stuff as you write it!
M@
mike 2501,all i have to say to you is THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE RETARD ITS FANTASY.if you want to complain fine but you had a problem with every aspect of this story.next time read vote then shut the hell up if you dont like it go elsewhere......dezurtdawg i loved your story and drunks do slurrr ive been round enough to know also some people are just asshloes so keep on writing i think your the best out there(like i said before you are the stephen king of this genre).
by
Anonymous04/03/14
the DAWG needs to learn
if the DAWG was smart he would ignore the kiss ass reviews and only listen to the complaints then MAYBE he might post a good story. mike was total right about all he said and this story needs a total rewrite as do the rest of the DAWGS stories. fiction doesn't mean it has to be unrealistic or poorly written unless it's fantasy/sci-fi or nonhuman it should be based on reality and not look like a ten year old wrote it.
by
Anonymous09/14/14
I know it's fantasy but this is a HOT story..... The only way it could possibly be better would have been to include their mother......
by
Anonymous01/01/15
Hey Anonymous Asshole
Have you written and posted any stories that are better than the DAWG?
If you have, then show em to us........ if not, then shut the F**K up.......... Nobody cares what a dumb a** says........
by
Anonymous01/23/15
GREAT STORY
GREAT STORY SUE(THE GOLD DIGGER EX REALLY MESSED UP). NOW WHEN JANET(HIS SISTER ) SAID SHE LOVED HIM SHE MENT IT. 5 STARS PLUS. IN MY FAVORITES LIST. CROSS BETWEEN LOVING WIVES( IF HE HAD BEEN MARRIED TO SUE) AND ROMANCE ON JANETS PART.
I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN A FOLLOW UP STORY GARY AND SUE. IF NOT YOU SHOULD WRITE ONE.
RON TEXAS cowboyridecc@yahoo.com
by
Anonymous08/30/15
Anonymous 8/26 it must have an impression for you to comment jealous much. Where is your story that's better. Just saying.
by
Anonymous11/04/16
What a fool
What a fool and gold-digger his ex girlfriend was. But sister to the rescue and ultimate pleasure. They loved each other before but now it is taken to the next level of a man and a woman that loves each other completely. Not to mention her brother is filthy rich. Will there be any type of follow up story?
Mack/ mcwhorter28445@gmail.com
English
I love incest stories.
But this is the dumbest piece of shit I have seen in a long time. I stopped before the sex began because of the wildly improbable discussion involving the sister. You can't get a reader into a story if you start out from such a ridiculous premise. Try reading some quality writing before resuming your literary career.
Great story
Loved the story. Was a little rushed at the end and would of liked to see him get better revenge than just a phone call .
Great Story
Never mind "Anonymous" the coward. Your story was great. I love incest romance they are the best. Thanks for writing.
Kool story
This is a good read. Story line suits me as I always had a thing for my sis... never realized, though. It keeps the attention fairly well, and follows good order. Your grammar was good as well.
As to the 'anonymous' person who critiques in ill form, remember opinions vary, and anyone who slams without giving valid reasons is just a bigot... and a jerk, since they won't give their name.
Be well,
DCA
Very nice
Well written and nicely presented. Smooth flowing. I did think that the end was a little rushed, and would have liked to have read more of their sexual tryst.
Thanks for the read
Oh my god!!
WOW!!Very fuck hard incest!!! WOW!!Davantage please...
Outstanding!
Did I say outstanding??? Thanks for a real Five Star Story!
That was good.
dd,
Sounds like she was not smart enough to come in out of the rain. But his sister... whats not to like. Does that make this a good family read? Fun story with proper rewards.
best wishes to sister/thanks for sharing on Lit.
x
Really hot tale...
I wish you would do a sequel for it.
Great story
Well the story was decent. Actually the second time ive read it over the last few months and I believe previously I gave it a fair rating. I say this si that its clear that I dont hate it when O start pointing out blatant flaws so that future writing can be improved. Ill post using my 'handle' since so many goobs seem to think that just because someone posts as anon and leaves a negative comment they must be 'hiding' for some reason, pretty stupid premise, eh? What does it matter if I post with a name or not? Not like anyone is going to walk up to me at work and berate me because of my opinion of the story! Rofl. Idiots ;)
First being drunk. Most drunks dont slur. Period. If you want to convey being drunk, besides having stated that they are, simply extend the words; shhhit siss.. I am soooo drUNK! Less annoying and more believable. ...now maybe when you get upwards of 3.0 blood alcohol things might change ;) (but not that ammount of wine on a big ass guy like that!)
He said he liked tits in the b and c size and then sister says she wears a b or a c, a bit too obvious.
A guy that video tapes his sex and has a good relationship with his sister isnt going to bat an eye at at least telling his sister that his 'date' was going to envolve LOTS of nothing but sex, unless sister is a nun, but prolly even then ;)
Brother isnt going to freak out and jump up and run to the bathroom like a sexless 12 year old because his hand was on her thigh and his face was close to hers, obviously they are used to being somewhat close if back rubs are involved, and alcohol lubricates, not inhibits ;)
...as a side note, its getting kind of old how many authors initially write in the guy in incest stories as being whiny pussy whipped kids when the incest subject comes up (well ok, thats a bit harsh but...) ...reality is that this is pretty much the oposite of what would realky happen. Guys only worry about a few things: 1. does she REALLY want to do this like she is saying. 2. Is she on the pill, shot, have condom, no diseases etc. 3. Am I SURE we wont get caught. 3a. As a side note; make sure were not going to freak about it tomorrow. (Probably thinking about this while they are fucking ;)
Blowjobs. I guess everyone has their thoughts on them, but most guys I know could take them or leave them (even if the woman is good) and prefers to get to fucking. Nice when we were younger and our dates didnt want to do anything but oral, but unless its a fetish most of us only care about them as a quickie or a quick warm up for fucking! Long ago when I gave up being young I decided that if she only wants to give a blow job I'd rather wait till there is time for real sex, or find a girl that isnt limiting herself to oral. All or none in my book, and I can happily date without sex (well, you know what I mean!) or date someone who would rather order pizza and squeeze off a quickie while we're waiting for it to be delivered! Heh.
...anyway my nickel's worth!
Thanks for taking the time to write this story and I look forward to reading more of your stuff as you write it!
M@
awesome
mike 2501,all i have to say to you is THIS IS NOT REAL LIFE RETARD ITS FANTASY.if you want to complain fine but you had a problem with every aspect of this story.next time read vote then shut the hell up if you dont like it go elsewhere......dezurtdawg i loved your story and drunks do slurrr ive been round enough to know also some people are just asshloes so keep on writing i think your the best out there(like i said before you are the stephen king of this genre).
the DAWG needs to learn
if the DAWG was smart he would ignore the kiss ass reviews and only listen to the complaints then MAYBE he might post a good story. mike was total right about all he said and this story needs a total rewrite as do the rest of the DAWGS stories. fiction doesn't mean it has to be unrealistic or poorly written unless it's fantasy/sci-fi or nonhuman it should be based on reality and not look like a ten year old wrote it.
I know it's fantasy but this is a HOT story..... The only way it could possibly be better would have been to include their mother......
Hey Anonymous Asshole
Have you written and posted any stories that are better than the DAWG?
If you have, then show em to us........ if not, then shut the F**K up.......... Nobody cares what a dumb a** says........
GREAT STORY
GREAT STORY SUE(THE GOLD DIGGER EX REALLY MESSED UP). NOW WHEN JANET(HIS SISTER ) SAID SHE LOVED HIM SHE MENT IT. 5 STARS PLUS. IN MY FAVORITES LIST. CROSS BETWEEN LOVING WIVES( IF HE HAD BEEN MARRIED TO SUE) AND ROMANCE ON JANETS PART.
I HOPE THAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN A FOLLOW UP STORY GARY AND SUE. IF NOT YOU SHOULD WRITE ONE.
RON TEXAS cowboyridecc@yahoo.com
Anonymous 8/26 it must have an impression for you to comment jealous much. Where is your story that's better. Just saying.
What a fool
What a fool and gold-digger his ex girlfriend was. But sister to the rescue and ultimate pleasure. They loved each other before but now it is taken to the next level of a man and a woman that loves each other completely. Not to mention her brother is filthy rich. Will there be any type of follow up story?
Mack/ mcwhorter28445@gmail.com
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