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English
Shame
Your words are empty. Just a hollow re-telling of a stale tale. The old tales have plenty to offer our age. I didn't vote.
~
I liked it and it's getting a recommend. I think, for me at least, this is the best of the series.
i feel the middle...
left me wanting something a little more, or the same but reworded somehow, friday. the beginning and end seem an original take to me, and the ending is the strongest part of all.
my issue with the middle is that, on first read-through and before making the required mental adjustment, i actually envisioned both the fleece and Jason being dangled before heroes! your wording allowed for that small ambiguity but that's what threw me. it probably doesn't others and was more a brain fart of my own making. but it's there.
your 'eating burnt air' is amazingly original and, as a phrase, stands out like a beacon in this addition to the series.
and
ham-like neck... i didn't feel it, friday. perhaps 'ham-hock neck'? i dunno. it's the 'like' that's the problem for me. x
Graves error?
I rather enjoyed this poem but me being a farmers boy I must say Friday your knowledge of sheep husbandry and metallurgical history sucks a bit.1. You don't have to kill to take a fleece .2. The Argonauts shields wouldn't have rusted because they were either bronze or copper sheet over wood.
Pharon's comments might be more helpful if he sought Robert Graves help on the interpretation of myth.
I gave it 4 but on reflection should have been a 5 as this is the only example of the word tup or tupped I have ever seen in a poem.
*
I gave it a 5, cause I liked it.
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