Very good start, sets up the plot well, often an under rated part of erotica. I suggest moving away from the Telling (narration, explanatory text) and into Showing (using actions and description to describe things) and I'm looking forward to seeing a bit more about where this goes, but so far it's great!
It's difficult to imagine that this is your first. You've blended just enough fact with tease, all while not dragging it out.
By no means am I going to offer constructive criticism to someone who has offered such a well-thought-out beginning.
WOW, I think either you're lying or we are all just nuts about you already! Everything that usually shows up in early work is just not here! Thanks for sharing, and I'll be waiting to read more!!
you guys are amazing!!! i'm not sure if i'm supposed to be commenting on my own story, but thank you so much for all of your comments so far. seriously, you made me cry when i first read them! i submitted chapter two, and it's just waiting for approval, so hopefully that will be up soon! again, thank you so much for the comments, and i'm so, so glad that you like the story! looks like all of my years of reading dirty books taught me a little something, hahah!!! much love!!!
hi guys!!! thank you SO MUCH for all of your wonderful comments on the stories! i'm so sorry for the delays in posting, i unfortunately was stricken with a bit of tragedy in my family over my spring break, and then school picked up and everything has just been kind of crazy. but i have my finals next week, and then i'm done for the year, so give me another two weeks, and i'll have another chapter up for you, and then i promise to keep posting more regularly. i really hope that i haven't lost you all as readers!!!
I loved the story's start. I can only imagine the things your character has in mind to save her marriage. I would love to read more if you will publish more. As for being a first time writer, I too, am a first time writer busy writing a very long novel. I can't wait to read the next chapter in your story! Please write more. If anyone criticizes you, ignore them. I think you have talent.
English
Great start!
Very good start, sets up the plot well, often an under rated part of erotica. I suggest moving away from the Telling (narration, explanatory text) and into Showing (using actions and description to describe things) and I'm looking forward to seeing a bit more about where this goes, but so far it's great!
I agree, a very good start. Easy to read. Looking forward to the next chapters.
Enjoyable
Am really looking forward to further chapters, just to see if she saves her marriage...or goes in completely the opposite direction
Welcome to Literotica!
Hello and welcome, Hayley, and thank you for starting off so well with this lovely little story, which I have given 4 stars.
I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of your work, and I, for one, am looking forward to it.
Great beginning!
It's difficult to imagine that this is your first. You've blended just enough fact with tease, all while not dragging it out.
By no means am I going to offer constructive criticism to someone who has offered such a well-thought-out beginning.
What a start!
WOW, I think either you're lying or we are all just nuts about you already! Everything that usually shows up in early work is just not here! Thanks for sharing, and I'll be waiting to read more!!
Thank you!!!
you guys are amazing!!! i'm not sure if i'm supposed to be commenting on my own story, but thank you so much for all of your comments so far. seriously, you made me cry when i first read them! i submitted chapter two, and it's just waiting for approval, so hopefully that will be up soon! again, thank you so much for the comments, and i'm so, so glad that you like the story! looks like all of my years of reading dirty books taught me a little something, hahah!!! much love!!!
Oh, What a place to leave off.
Eagerly looking forward to you developing this story.
excellent!!!
Great story and excellent start to your Lit. career, BG28!!
Can't wait for the rest of the story!! i think it a sexy 5 stars!!
david xxx
good start
You're off to a good start and I will definitely keep a look out for your coming installments :-)
off to a great start
OK Got me intrigued. Now keep it up! Writing is very good. N0 serious grammatical errors to distract from the story.
updates + thank you!!
hi guys!!! thank you SO MUCH for all of your wonderful comments on the stories! i'm so sorry for the delays in posting, i unfortunately was stricken with a bit of tragedy in my family over my spring break, and then school picked up and everything has just been kind of crazy. but i have my finals next week, and then i'm done for the year, so give me another two weeks, and i'll have another chapter up for you, and then i promise to keep posting more regularly. i really hope that i haven't lost you all as readers!!!
much much much love!!!
xo,
hayley
Fantastic!
I'm glad I found your story. What a wonderful start. The pure emotion, the need, the desire, the arousal. Can't wait to read the other parts.
interesting, yes.
I loved the story's start. I can only imagine the things your character has in mind to save her marriage. I would love to read more if you will publish more. As for being a first time writer, I too, am a first time writer busy writing a very long novel. I can't wait to read the next chapter in your story! Please write more. If anyone criticizes you, ignore them. I think you have talent.
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