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English
I like the message
but I think you could add a couple of words and make it more accessible to your reader. The last stanza is sort of misleading, at least to me, maybe that's the wrong word, confusing is better
~~The enemies on the horizon
Now live in our bodies
Waiting to claim us
On one final dark watch~~
The final dark watch, well, you say, "one" final dark watch so that makes me wonder how many final dark watches there are.
I did like the poem though, I just feel it could be tightened up a bit. :)
~ maria
*
I disagree with Maria on this, would make it too pat.
Here find another word for dark or drop.
On one final dark watch
100
~
I am presuming that 'one final dark watch' is death and what could be darker than that?
Don't know...
.....who said "getting old ain't for sissies" but it seems fitting here. As others have said, this poem could do with tightening and reworking but, on the whole, well done.
Tess
?
You could dump the third stanza and a lot of the verbs without blurring your meaning or image.
Verbs sometimes tend to pull a poem in too many directions. It would be fun to play at using context to negate the need for verbs and maybe create at the end a feeling of stillness.
It might not be a better poem but sometimes rewrites can be fun and possibly helpful
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