Contempt

~

Good stuff Istat. Nice and vivid.

*****

Five.

it strikes me that

this is a kind of 'the poem is the man' thing. she's looking back in contempt, and the look on her face is saying 'is this all you got?' there's no life, no passion, no vavava voom from his side, if this is about a him at all. the only passion and life are in the sounds of anger and her walking away, the car engine coming to life only to drive away.

i suppose this might as easily be about a house, a parent, her own past she's walking out on - but the telling silence holds up in direct contrast to her sound.

having said that, you might intend something quite different, ishtat. it's my interpretation but even now i really don't get to feel that engaged with it. so a 4 from me.

*

well, I gave it a five, cause I gave the rant a 5, so I must be on some kind of high, but it could use a little work.

I agree with Vee. I liked this but had a little trouble with what felt like word play using inverterted syntax throughout the poem: "a last look back...she turns"

and I wasn't sure about "...and goes away/the end."

Nonetheless, these lines:

"heels fade to silence/in the hall. Slam."

were excellent and brought the poem into a nice sharp focus for me in their meter with the first line starting strong and ending soft (silence) and the next line starting soft and ending hard (Slam.) both at line breaks adding even more emphasis with their corresponding pauses.

I might have added an exclamation point after "Slam.," but that may be a quibble on my part.

A very compact stark look at a very stark emotion. Good poetry!

IT TOOK 6 YRS

FROM CLOD TO CONTEMPT. tk u mlj lv nv