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English
Typo
There always has to be one! Toward the end; "unapproachable consciousness" should be "unapproachable subconscious".
I hope
I wasn't the only person who took the time to read this. I am sure it will take many reads to fully take it in, by I must say, wow, what a mind you have and what truths you have tempted to to wish to know. I give you a 5 just for piquing my interest and for your imaginative imagination.
~ maria
*
a 5 BTW, you have some good stuff, but you also have a woeful need of editing i.e. it is not that good to support all the words, so let's start here"
Sounds of violence and pictures of lies
are plastered on billboards
to deceive travelers on the narrow road
which passes by the prisons
and the pesticide refineries;
Sounds of violence, makes me laugh (I've never heard (pardon the pun) a talking billboard) but it also makes me thing of Simeon and Garfunkel, do you need?
this however is good, you don't need me to tell you that:
passes by the prisons
and the pesticide refineries;
Now rethink everything else, Nazis, Manson, etc. what do you need? Don't fall in love with what you wrote, some of it is good and you can stick it in something else you wrote.
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