In the Park

I found this to be a bit confusing. I mean, how would they have had his DNA on file? He also said the stench was there when he walked in b/4 the other guy even came in so why would he think he murdered whoever it was? I'm just a bit unsure about the ending.

Bad. Really bad.

You have no gift for story-telling, so write about the sex without worrying about a storyline, or stick to beating off while you read other writers work...

huh?

this made absolutely no sense......huh???

I'm a little confused. Who was the main character? Was he a cop or what? I'm assuming the DNA is supposed to be his sperm, but if the suspect swallowed it, how did the police get it, or did the suspect spit the cum onto the victim? It's a great concept it just needs a bit more work on the setup. Do not listen to others when they tell you to quit writing, keep going. The only way to get better is to practice and learn from your mistakes. Happy writing.

Crazy.

It realy makes me wonder why numerous stories I have submitted have been rejected numerous times, and this one is publkished???????????

wait, wait, whoa shorty, hold up

what the fuck just happened? what the fuck did I miss? was I supposed to read well in between the asteriks, err lines, cuz i swear it feels like half the fucking story is missing between 'away.' and *** 'I'

I got it

Ignore the people who didn't get it. I understood what happened. The only people who didn't were only reading for the sex and skimmed the rest.

Your writing can use a little polishing, but overall that was pretty good. You definitely need to proofread though. In the last paragraph you said "murder" when you meant "murderer" or some other variation of the sentence.

i get it

basically the main character had sex and killed a guy. but used this story to stay out of jail by using a local man whore. weird twist. could have done better though