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English
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a 5, a mystery from SR. Reminds me of so long ago...when I stared and stared. God, it's like being married.
woulds coulds
ur editing should be better than this.
another generations passes
and u r thoughts scattered, shuffled and smothered been around Charlie Sheen lately?
ur rep needs polishing, SR, disappointing
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I get it. It's about cemeteries,death, life etc. I do think it could use an edit and it's maybe a touch too long but I actually loved it and think it is delightful.
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I really enjoyed the poem but for these two lines.
because we are
common gravel
They are far too didactic for the style of the rest of the poem. I would just delete them and leave the poem as it is. I don't think they add anything to the poem while disrupting the sensibility of the poem.
You do terse and edgy better than anyone I know
and yet there's a lot of passion and regret here, too, but neatly reined in--more cool observation than bathos. You are so good that it's hard to ever find anything to suggest lol, but I do think that common gravel and the iltalicized "are" are maybe not the best way to go. Is sand too close to cliche? (Might be.) Maybe common gravel is the best way to put it and I have rocks in my head. :-D
hmmm
maybe cut the common gravel line and re-title it to reflect the same idea-- I am in the process of accepting my ordinary-ness. It sucks.
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a comment on the comment, what?
the most extraordinary
she be
shadoubie
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