Lost

I assume this was written about Japan. Very potent words put it very succinctly. Well written. The tragedy is overwhelming.

Impressively topical.

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Agreed. Good stuff Chip. My only quibble is it could have been a bit more specific.

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Very poignant, made even more so in it's simplicity

Sad and beautiful

and I love the way you move from a very specific image to something metaphorical. It works really well, especially as it leads to that wonderful last line. I'd move the "on" after "row" to the start of the next line, but maybe that's me. I'm not getting anything but a huh? from "row on." Solid fiver!

*

he sits on steps
gathering snow
a bowling alley with row on

This bothers me. Is he gathering snow or are the steps? Technically this could also be read as the bowling alley is also the steps gathering snow. A distraction. 5.

Admission: I thought this was fairly average to good but the 'Flanders fields' "row on row" was an inspired simile.

"Like" and "all" might be dropped to advantage. 5

....

Very well done chip.... very sad!

Good

I liked the imagery in this piece.
Evocative.

ishtat, you are quite right -

consider them dropped.

Lost


the dead list
the missing list
grow with each hour
each day
he checks the lists
adds another photo
a smile to break his heart
a wave

he sits on steps
gathering snow
a bowling alley with row on
row of uniform white -
pins knocked down
waiting to be stood again -
a silence of machines

A PRELUDE TO THE MOVEMENT

Deus Ex Machina with the lanes as antagonistic. TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't really get this, but it somehow still managed to connect through the 7th line.