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English
Good one!
A very strong first submission. Looking forward to more.
You have tol try it!
Great story. Very real. Men if you haven't tried this you don't know what you are missing. There is nothing like a strap-on, or for that matter a real cock, deep in your ass massaging your prostate. You will have the most incredible orgasm.
Taken
This is a beautiful story with my favorite creampie theme blended in nicely .. keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing this story.
Strong Debut
Good hot sex, nice present tense use. You avoid the more obvious cliches, for which my thanks. Now for the quibbles:
You are stroking, then kissing and licking my entire body. Not allowing me even a taste of you despite my begging.| Should be one sentence, thus “You are stroking, then kissing and licking my entire body, not allowing me even a taste of you despite my begging.” Otherwise you have a sentence and a fragment. Or Microsoft Word may have turned a sentence into a sentence and a fragment, if you mistakenly put a period where a comma should have been. AutoCorrect, AutoFormat and Spellcheck are the Devil’s trinity.
pre-come| I myself prefer this way of spelling “smegma”, but I am told the convention is to reserve the verb “to come” for orgasming, and the correct noun is now “cum”, which I find to be a revolting neologism, but we’re stuck with it.
a moments| Should be “a moment’s”; apostrophe denotes possession, lack thereof denotes a plural. It is only one moment’s resistance, not multiple moments.
Without warning you switch on the vibrator. The gentle hum coursing through my ass as you beautifully fuck me.| See my first quibble above. Sentence and a fragment. Should be “Without warning you switch on the vibrator, the gentle hum coursing through my ass as you beautifully fuck me.” I find “beautifully fuck me” jarring, but that’s just my opinion. I agree with Mark Twain: “As to the adverb: When in doubt, strike it out.”
taste more of my own come| Again, verb becomes noun; current usage favors the neologism “cum”. Sorry, I like it no better than you do, but we’re stuck with it.
the come leaking| Sorry, it’s “cum”. The Czars of Porn have so decreed.
All pride gone, tied to the bed on all fours, my ass in the air with your hard cock buried deep inside me.| Sentence fragment. No verb. Try this: “All pride gone, I’m tied to the bed on all fours, my ass in the air with your hard cock buried deep inside me.”
"Tell me again" you say. Slowly thrusting into me as you speak.| Again, sentence and fragment. What English grammar hath joined together, let no writer put asunder. Try this: "Tell me again," you say, slowly thrusting into me as you speak.
"Clean up your mess and make me come you dirty boy." Your voice light and alive with your naughtiness.| Ecce iterum! Should be “"Clean up your mess and make me come you dirty boy," your voice light and alive with your naughtiness”. I don’t like “naughtiness” (I mean the word; certain people can be as naughty around me as they like). It’s too precious; no one uses it in ordinary speech. How about “light and alive with your still-unslaked lust.”
tasting my come| Sorry, “cum”.
Your breath quickens as you get closer, and you push down on my mouth, my tongue deep inside you as you come against me. My mouth full with your juices, and still tasting myself in you.| No repeat no. Sentence plus fragment might work once, in certain situations, but not six times in all situations. It’s like seven speed bumps in an eighth-mile road. Try this: “Your breath quickens as you get closer, and you push down on my mouth, my tongue deep inside you as you come against me. My mouth fills with your juices, and now I taste myself in you.”
Believe me, if I didn't think your story had merit I wouldn't waste my time with quibbles.
hot
thanks
Fantasy(s) fulfilled!
This is the story I've been looking for, for I don't know how long! Thank you for writing such a wonderful compilation of extremely hot events.
A fan forever!!
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