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English
Why do you tease us so?
Can't wait to see what the guy has on his mind.
BTW, love your bio picture.
Reply to Eric_Shift
LOL I'm sorry, it was my first submission and I just wanted to see how it would go first before I continued. I plan on working on the next chapter a bit tonight and through the weekend so hopefully I'll have the juicier parts for you all soon and I'm glad you enjoyed the picture as well!
Good start!
This story looks quite promising, and seems well written, too.
Reply to mBrow
Thank you very much! I'm almost done with the second chapter and will hopefully be submitting it tonight!
minor grammatical
wonderful developing story - well done. Love the detail, not as intense as BE Ellis but good. Hope you had fun.
Sentences that start with a word ending in "ing" seldom seem natural. Somehow they slow the flow.
Grammar
Thank you for that critique, I'll double check the second chapter and try to resolve that issue!
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