All Comments on 'Burn Baby Burn'

Liked it until page 5. It was a bit much.

Same as Megan commented, was going well until page 5, bring the parents in as swingers was a step too far.

Enjoyed the rest though

I agree with the two comments below do not think there was a need to have the parents come in as swingers

Still gave you 5 stars, but the parents were too much.

But please, keep writing. I love all your stories.

The last page killed it for me. And at any rate its good work.

It was a good story until mom and dad showed up . I MEAN DAME THAT WAS FAST ! What hapend to all that undiyng love and shit. Now mom and dad are going to have them in gang fucks, swinger partes . She will be having black, Yellow and brown little babies runing all over his house

I agree with the other comments regarding the parents but, once again, you have come up with a superior, well written fantasy. I felt that the story was too good for 4 stars but fell just short of 5 because of the parents. Keep up the good work.

I agree that the story was fantastic until he parents arrive on page 5. Still gave you 5 stars though. Keep up the good work!

I agree with the other commenter, the sudden arrival and actions of the parent ruined the story. It's illogical, felt forced, and doesn't sync with the story's progress. Close, but no cigar, four stars.

Last page killed it for me, it was great right up till Mom and Dad got added.

The other comments were right it was good until you added the parents in on the action you should have just left it as a brother/sister incest story

Wow, after all the feedback I've been getting on some of my stories about adding mom into the mix, I figured this would satisfy those readers. Yet not a peep out of any of them! So you guys (and gals) win! Guess it's better to write to please myself than those who send me feedback. That works for me. Thanks to all of you for reading...and for slapping my hands for erring on this one.

Thanks to all for commenting.

dezurtdawg

The add of the parents would of been better with more background.I think you went into the parent sex way to quick.From mother fainting to sucking to fucking. Still the rest of the story made up for that part.Thanks for this story and all your stories.

the story was fantastic until the parents showed up. No reason for them to appear in this story in the way they did. Bro and Sis had something special, and the parents seemed to simply intrude for no reason necessary for the story.

leave the parents out. otherwise, fine story

the parents part was to much, anyway thanks, great b/s story

5/5

maybe part2 with a hot pregnant sister :) ( without the parents and other swinger stuff ! )

dude next chapter u make for this (if there is a part 2) remove the mom and dad, and keep the wild sexy sis and bro, but i do ask that u add 3 hot B-cupped cousins that r all virgins, it might add a spicyier plot in the begining

I've noticed on a couple of your stories that the storyline is proceeding on a well-paced timeline with plenty of detail, then on the last page it becomes a full-blown family orgy out of nowhere, followed up by a very abrupt ending. I love your stories, but that always bugs me.

Also...(and I know it's fantasy, so whatever).... it always bothers me when authors describe a woman's body as if they've never actually seen a woman. Go measure the next 100 women you come across and tell me how many 22" waists you find. Or even go find a tape measure and make a 22" loop and take a look at what you're describing.

I also see authors doing the same thing in reverse when it comes to describing a woman's bustline. They seem to think a bigger number means bigger boobs. But, the reality is, when you make your character a 42DD, you just described a fat chick, or maybe a dude in drag. Not that this is what you're doing.... just a pet peeve I mention in relation to the earlier gripe.

Overall, I love your stuff, and I hope you keep on writing!

Thanks to you (and all of the rest of you) for reading AND commenting on my story. As to the family orgy, I tried to hint at it with mom and dad going on a month long 'round the world' trip, that they somehow can change DURING the trip and make it last two more months. Did any of you think about how expensive just the first month of a real round the world trip for two would be? Then add to that tripling the expense and length of the trip while already on said trip? The only way normal middle-income people (I never said they were super wealthy) could afford that is if they never left the country, and instead used a different type of world. Plus, this IS Literotica so it should tie into sex somehow. Any way, that's the way I looked at it.

As to your complaint about the waist size. I don't have the time to check all females...although a cursory glance shows way to many are pushing towards the plus sizes. But my eyes are probably jaded since when my gal became my wife her measurements were 34B-21-34. After three kids she was still within an inch or so on all three areas. But I will keep that in mind and go for a more realistic size on some of my upcoming tales.

Then you went after the bust size of 42DD that also really gets to you. As I personally don't like huge tits, I have NEVER had that in one of my stories. (If I did I must have been drunk on my ass not only when I wrote it but also every time I proofed it!) So on this last gripe I guess you were just venting about other authors' stories. So be it. After all, it is your comment so you can write what you want, and unless it breaks the rules of Literotica I will leave it for all to see.

Hope you voted!

dezurtdawg

Agree with the others. Please remove the mom dad part. That just made a good story plain stupid. It seemed rushed, forced, out of place and didn`t fit with the story at all...

Great story, but I would have reintroduced the parents in a much more conventional setting without the kids exposing their relationship and consequences thereof. The story then could have had the kids find out about the true nature of the parents vacation and armed with this information the kids could have met with their parents and fully explained their relationship and situation. When the parents began to rant and rave the kids could have exposed their knowledge of the "real"vacation making the parents at best uncomfortable. Then after the great reconciliation the orgy could be eased into that would end the story. Just saying!

Ahh hell im sure this happens all over the world, enjoyed the story and your writing

i enjoyed this story, though i do agree with the rush ending

story was great, till mom and pop got into the act...siblings fucking are as natural as time...mom and pop...nah...other wise...pretty good story

Your story was evenly timed, and for this site well written. The ending with the parents? Well that was not quite what I saw coming and definitely put the story in a downward spiral. I agree with the others on rushed. The parents could have been more conventional or the "big reveal" could have been handled with more grace then a family gang bang.

This story makes me think you have real potential if you could hone your craft.

a little to unrealistic for me why would he be willing to help her. it seems he would find some of her friends or some old girlfriends to help with the bath room duties and shaving and ignore her as much as possible. the parents could have arranged for a home health care worker to stop by several times a day to help out. i had the same problem with another story here the kids hate each other and the writer has them getting together never going to happen in my opinion.

also the endding was a real screwup rushed and and totally laughable a real joke.

4, only reason I didn't give five was mom and dad getting into the act.

Things happen, I liked it. The long drawn-out sex scenes between brother and sister were really hot. Parents involved so easily, doubtful. It's just a story and it's YOUR story so disregard the negativity.

Well written story and I love stories of "real" brother and sister love but

mom and dad just jumped up and slapped it down. Seems comments are

in general agreement. 4 out of 5.

That was very good, well written. It made my member stand up to attention throughout the whole read.

With the last part of the story you completely destroyed it! You had a great build up and nice flow in the story all up til you decided to kill it with a hopeless annoying ending.

I liked the story. Brother sister incest is my favorite. Adding the parents didn't completely ruin the story but they seemed toooo okay with it. U should have made Nessa or mike uncomfortable with it or jealous, or the dad not like what the mom is doing. Something...it seems too easy for them all to like it.

A great story, and well put together. Unfortunately spoilt by the ending, would have been better to have the parents surprised but accepting of the situation.

Still in general an excellent story, and truly hope to see further stories from you.

Cheers

PS: Far better than I could do

Was a great story until that totally absurd final page.

What a shame...

why do you good writers ruin a good love story with a fuckfest

man man man u totaly destroy ze endng there it didnt even make cens hop u do a better one next tym.

Okay...Good story...But the ending make me kinda sick...just saying...I literally gagged. But all in all I climaxed like 14 times.

the ending pissed me off dude i know every 1 all ready said it but why any dude the dad could have gotten her prego the ending ruined the entire story u had a great storie at 1st though

I liked the nice twist at the end. Better than the cookie cutter happy endings of other stories.

To the anonymous "Serious" commenter you obviously didn't read the whole story, she was already pregnant with her brothers baby.

Anyways I loved the way the story progressed... and I know it's been repeated many times, but the sex with the parents was a bit much. With the way you laid out the rest of the story as a very sensual growing love for one another the end just shocked the shit out of me lol. Five stars regardless, look forward to reading your other stories.

As always a wonderful job, your characters are always interesting and your storylines always pulls me in. Thanks for you time and effort.

yeah the parents getting in on it at the end was a bit much just their acceptance of it would have made a good ending

Your story was very ereotic and sensual. A lovely beginning and a great surprise ending. Please continue to share your work.

Birdcreek Girl

Why did you have to ruin a great story with a ridicoulous ending like that???

one that endinding suck ASS two why the fuck do the parents get involved

You were on your way to at least four stars. The hardon in my sweatpants was campaigning for five. The story was not only beautifully written and sensual, it was erotic as hell. Then I hit page five and it all went to Hell. All that great work done in by the most implausible and unbelievable ending possible, short of the brother and sister being gang raped by a crew from a Martian spacecraft. A beautiful and smoking hot story left in flaming wreckage. Burn baby burn, indeed!

Awsome ending but the ending was horrible wtf u had to add the parents that's SICK Man SICK

Putting the parents in the story was like taking a shit on the carpet then rubbing it in!!!!

Loved your story from the start till the Mother Father thing,it would have been a better ending if the parents had caught them and approved of their love.

You have the talent to be a great writer, keep up the good work.

You were going great until you had the parents join in and reveal they were swingers. Then the son doing the mom in the ass. I was gonna vote for 5 stars until I hit page 5 and that stuff. You get a 1 star now!

It was great until the parents joined

Don't take offense to this, I think you really are a talented writer but this should definitely be addressed. Not to sound redundant, but...

Pages 1-4 had some EXCELLENT material. I love romance incest stories so much, esp. older sister/younger brother ones, and yours was no exception. The imagery, the dialogue, the tangibility of their love for one another was absolutely amazing. I had a few minor complaints about the unrealistically easy orgasms (then again I'm no tantra expert) but those were minor nitpicks of an otherwise great story.

...and then the parents joined in.

What I really disliked so much about this was that it literally came the hell out of nowhere. I read your comment where you said you hinted at them going on a swingers' thing, but all I read into that was that they were on a long vacation. People go on long vacations all the time without getting involved with orgies. And plus, the parents fucking them ended up ruining the perfect love the siblings shared. I get the desire to read full-blown family orgy stories, I've read a few good ones myself. However, those were implied from the beginning and were paced very well. This was very, very unexpected and ended up ruining an otherwise amazing story.

I totally agree with all of the comments. Good story for the most part but, the suddenness of Mom and dad's joining in the sexual games ruined it for me, also. I gave you a "3" because of the incredible sex between bro and sis but, even that got to be a bit boring after a while. A better alternative would have been to gradually work Mom and dad into the equation. Too bad you didn't. You could have had at least five more pages of totally awesome sex. Also --- Mom's fainting indicates her extreme disapproval of bro and sis having sex. If she disapproved so much, then it would not have made any sense for her to suddenly climb on her own son and start fucking him.

Loved the story in the first 4 parts, Last bit ruined it for me, before that it was an awesome fapstory. Wish you had warned us in a prologue that it was going to involve others, I would have avoided it then... Anyhow, thanks for sharing the story, you have written quite a few I did like. :) Actually I think you didn't plan the ending, felt like you rushed into that shit due to writer's block or something lol. The story would have been better off them marrying, since they didn't share the same last name it would have been doable.

Should have left the parent out. That spoil it for me.

Damn it!!! you ruined a GREAT story by bringing the parents into it. It seems like that I'm not the only one that thinks the same way. You can write pretty good stories, but you usually ruin them by bringing the father or another man into the mix. Could have been a 5 star story, but now I'm just being kind by giving you 3 stars. toby9790.

The brother's reluctance carried on too far into the story then, once he got into the action, he and everyone else incredibly became sex maniacs - very out of character.

At least you kind of addressed female reproductive reality, though not accurately. If so many weeks went by, she'd have had at least one period normally or else she was impregnated early on.Still, not bad for a fantasy story. You "went there" with all her other personal hygiene needs so it kind of prompted that issue.

As someone else has said, you ruined the story with the completely left field ending. Even the outraged fainting mom does a weird 180 and turns into a horny swinger.

It's like you decided to just phone in a quickie ending to meet a deadline. Too bad. until then it was three quarters of an interesting story.

The parents were a lil creepy though =/

I think it is a testament to how good your story is that they all went into shock when you changed gears. All I can say to them is don't go to see any movies, because sudden surprise endings are lurking everywhere! And I can see why so many people expressed shock and nausea at the prospect of incest with mom and dad. Who would expect to have to endure the sickening image of sex with parents in the "incest" category? It's enough to make anyone barf. That having been said, I was worrying from way back how they were going to deal with the parents. I found your solution both refreshing and funny. Congratulations on a great piece of erotica and a great ending. A solid five star plus, and a favourite story.

since you know you fucked up why don't you do us and yourself a favor and delete the story and rewrite it. leaving it this way just makes more readers angry at you so delete it and fix the screwup. if you had added just the mom most readers probably would have accepted it begrudgingly but accepted none the less adding the father is what reall killed it just like all stories that add the father please do a rewrite soon and save yourself any more complaints and future readers the pain of reading it.

Dezurtdawg--have read this and two other stories by you. Great job on all of them. have to agree with the criticism here about the parents just jumping into sex with the kids was a bit sudden. what I find unbelieveable is the reaction by so many that such sex doesn't belong in an incest story. Parent/child incest is probably more prevalent in real life than sibling sex. it is even presented in Greek mythology and the Christian Bible.

I also wonder at the readers who complain that the brother/sister relationship seemed implausible. this is a fantasy site, ferkrissakes! if you want plausibility, read the newspaper.

five stars, btw.

Your story looks like a love story between a brother and his sister. It's not my style but it was a pleasant read even though I think they "fall" in love pretty quickly (people can fall in love in a second but a brother/sister love needs more than oral sex).

The real disappointment is the ending. The parents are shocked and then ten seconds later there is an orgy. That in the first place is wrong. The main problem is your love story (with a baby at the end) is messed up by the swinging action at the end. Where did that came from?

I was really enjoying that. It was a great story and I loved the credibility potential of a sister / brother thing .... but you totally ruined it with all that foul language. That just doesn't happen, npt to that extent. By half way through page 4, you'd lost me. It spoiled the whole thing.

The crap about the parents at the end was bad too. What happened ? You needed to end it and couldn't think of an ending ?

Such a shame. It started out as the best story I have read here for ages ....

You started this out to be a love(or at least sex confused as love) story but you ruined it by bringing the parents in on it. I could have coped if they had just been surprised but accepting, but having them join in destroyed the only thing that made this story good. Being swingers doesn't mean you are instantly okay with every form of sex.

Also, the idea that the mother would have sex with her son once and then immediately tell her husband that he's no longer the best lover she's ever had(based purely on penis size judging from what you wrote) is ridiculous. Her husband has had 26+ years to learn how to please her in every way imaginable and no amount of skill or penis size can replace that familiarity.

To me this ending just shouts that you have next to no sexual experience, or none at all. That's probably not the case, but the ending seems incredibly naive.

No complaints. Great fucking story.

I was enjoying the story all the way up to the end until, you being the little cunt that you are, ruined it with the sex with parents! Why if she loved him so much would she suddenly want to have sex with someone else??? Tell people at the beginning that there's group sex, you bastard!

Also, you gave no explanation as to why she had avoided him for years...

KEEP MOM AND POP IN THE DARK, DON'T TELL US THERE SWINGERS. WHAT ABOUT THE BABY.

I was going to give this story 5 stars and add it to my favourite's list until I got to the last page. Bringing in the parents ruined the entire story.

should have ended when the parents caught them

The title says it all.

It was great til u brought in the parents. what about the baby?

Iv had my cock in hand for most of this story.i loved it,

This story was a really good one. The ending was a letdown. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hater! It's just that the sex with the parents was a bit of a buzzkill. Overall it's a pretty good one, so keep them coming and don't sweat the haters.

Bro/sis stuff happens all the time. Who's going to stop a bro/sis who want to experiment and have a little fun? Parents see it and allow it to happen all the time. But suddenly parents entering into the incest mix..., finding out your parents have been leading a 'secret life' was too much, too sudden. There are no secrets that big in families. Incest doesn't "suddenly" occur. In families that lean towards incestuous couplings, it either occurs s-l-o-w-l-y, over time, and thus on a more consensual basis, or it is done "suddenly" (and that is rape.) You had a mini-masterpiece going with the bro/sis, but ruined it with the mom/dad. Better luck next time...

I really liked the story, but wish the ending never happened

Here we were thinking it was a wonderful love story with some hot sex. Then when you had us really liking your characters, BAM, you tell us they are just rutting pigs. Sly dude. Trick me once you did. - Patch

i liked it and it was funny how at the end you just went over the top. all i have to say in the words of that guy who did the theme music for shaft is "awww yeaaaaah baby."

but since you know you FUCKED UP why not be smart and delete the story and rewrite it? if you rewrite it you can remove the crappy end and make the begining better. the brother gave in WAY to fast and easy there are several plot holes big enough to drive a truck through that need explaining also.

But even I did not care for the ending. The first part of the story, love and sex with Sis, I really liked. I will forgive the last part and try to forget it. It was a great story until Mom and Dad came in to the picture. But thank you for writing. Talk about a surprise!

Personally, I thought it was a great story. I found parts to be less than perfect, such as Mikes success at such a young age. The ending was a twist, but its fiction. Believability isn't the issue, but was it well written? Yes. Was it erotic? Yes.

I liked it, and I believe it was a fine story, warts and all.

Everything went great until the end, the end ruined the story for me.

Really loved the way the story developed but when the parents got involved it ruined the massive boner this story gave. But overall best fucking story ever

You had a good love story then you fucked it up with that shit ending. I just that's one way to avoid people asking for sequels.

I really enjoyed your story then your ending fucked it all up

I loved this story very much. Just didn't really care for you bringing the parents in on it. It was a love story up to that point. Now its just a 4 way.

I woke up with a start. Oh my GOD, that was some dream. Alas, if dreams could come true. I just had to share, so here it is. Wait, wait, wait - you thought it is a story I wrote? No way someone can write a story like this. It was just a DREAM...

all i can say is delete and rewrite and leave out the parents and make it more realistic. it would take him a long time to be willing to help her as said before he would find her girl friends or his to do the work. yet another fuckup from the dawg.

I think this is one of your better stories . I really liked the ending, as it showed some insight as to where the kids got their libido from. I would like to see more to this story line.

Brother-sister combo was great until you dicided to add parents.

I think it would have been a lot better without adding the parents in.. And I think you should write about her finding out she's pregnant and the sex and relationship evolving from that.. Other that good story til the parents!

realy great 'till youaded mom & dad & group sex. Up until then it was a sweet story about brother & sis falling in love. Then you kind of tarnished it all. It was very creative up to the part where you couldn't be happy with an excellent story of kindness, love, and of course incest. Why? Don't you know that in writing - less is more. You never want to complicate your plot too much.

We're supposed to believe (not so convincingly) that these two are all of a sudden "IN LOVE" & will "LOVE each other for all eternity". Not quite there; what we actually see is that they are in LUST for each other. Even if you had let it slip that the reason SIS avoided him for so damn long was because she was attracted to him, it would still only be lust. They did not have a history to support it.

It would make sense for her to move in with him. Hell they don't have much choice short-term since she can only get a menial secretarial job, apparently make minimum wage and can only afford a cheap dive. But to then automatically say "you don't ever have to move out unless you want to" is unrealistic due to their history. Of course it's also unrealistic for a gorgeous, hot, socially active, outgoing, sexually promiscuous and willing woman to have not had sex for six months. She could walk into a bar and have any guy that she wants. Apparently that's what she did to meet her worthless husband.

Then of course we have the dweeb; who of course has the perfect job, perfect house, perfect sex drive and experience to supposedly have any woman that he wants, get real! We can see that he wants to help sis in any way that he can; and of course he just happens to be a perfect nurse, have perfect patience, will do absolutely anything

for her without wanting or expecting anything in return. But it's too perfect; he's not real.

OH; and of course like usual in your stories has to have the 10" cock. I swear; according to you, men are absolutely non-functional without it. And women are useless without 38DD. Newsflash; there are billions of men & women on the planet and most aren't that big; yet they all have very productive fulfilling lives. Jeez; imagine that. Not only that but there are many women who do not want anything near that big. You need to get real and realize that real sex and love making is not all about size. Please; bend over and take it up your own ass once. Not all women can handle it anywhere; it will hurt, and it can cause damage if not done correctly, no matter how much she's prepared in advance. I have female friends who can only accept 5 to 7 inches easily; which is why that's average. The human body has evolved over time to match our physical attributes to our needs.

And last but not least. Anal is one thing; I know many women and men who will cut off anything that touches the Anus. But "Ass to Mouth" is a whole other subject. Leave that for BDSM stories because it is not something that the majority of the population accepts. You want Anal; use either Condoms or clean-up between activities.

DKP

Without any particular order...

The parents have to leave her with her brother because they've an expensive round the world trip they're committed to...? Ok... but they dump her on him and stay in the states SWINGING...?? What shitty parents they are...

She needs her pussy shaved or waxed or whatever and her brother has to do it instead of going and getting it done professionally...? Ok, maybe on her pay she couldn't afford it but clearly he could afford to spring for her...

She needs to get off...? But would prefer her brother doing her to, say, something as simple as a washing machine...? Or some other "tool"...?

She needs her legs "shaved" but again, won't go to get them done...? Or waxed...? Or Nair...?

They "love" each other in the marry me and always be together and have kids with me style...? But have no issue with having sex with someone else...? Even if it is their parents...

And since when does swinging equate to being into our ok with incest...?

This was one of the greatest story's I have read in to I got to the ending and you added the parents

This story is unrealistic from the start the parents leave their daughter when she needs them the most & there is no way in world that they left her with their son.

In the start you had written that he met to the doctor as her brother then why they call him his boyfriend. In the end you have done the worst thing that firstly their parents want to stop them even their mother fainted twice & within seconds she not only recovers and accept their relation but also join them. Also, the shaving thing look out of place that she did'nt go to parlour & asshole licking is a thing that most people think gross. I think you have made a family in your dreams like this which nowhere in the world exist

I think this is a great story. Brother helping his older bitchy sister, and the attitude change she has. Accepting the love of each other was really nice, and enjoyed how brother really made love to his sister. I agree with the comments about the addition of the parents, and the butt sex that was included. How can someone orally clean a prick that has been in a butt hole????? That is gross. There should always be a cleaning process before proceeding to more enjoyment. Have read most of your stories, like them all, except for the ending of this one. Also glad to see there were not many misspelled words, as this does not make for enjoyable reading. Keep writing good stories................oldman77.........

I really don't care what other people said about this I loved it. I didn't mind the fact that it was a little unrealistic. It's an erotic story, so what! And in today's modern life people are falling in love very fast and I love how you explain the love they share and how much they do care for peach other. I really love the part where he said he doesn't want to fuck her but simply make love to her. I thought that was something that shows they're love for one another. Also the parts when he carry's her into the house. I thought that showed they're love as well. I liked the part with the parents when hey first found out, and how Nessa gave them attitude and kept fuckin Mike even when they were standing right there. And when Mike looked at them and said hi, grandma, hi, grandpa. I couldn't help but smiling. Overall, this is a great piece and I loved it. And I'm am just going to tell you this. I'm 15 :P Please keep writing.

I REALLY didn't like the ending!!!

Im usually pretty open minded and forgiving as to plot, spelling, etc...but I never made it past page three. The sex scenes were totally unbelievable and over the top. Everything was just too syrupy sweet and oh the BEST EVER this and MOST INTENSE EVER that,etc. i just couldn't read anymore,sorry. The bones of the story made for good plot material but...

Not a great ending.