last year on earth

*****

Excellent, except this line:

it's bitterness turns

Should be:

its bitterness turns

Five.

thanks, Theo

proofing is a bitch, always that little blind spot, even though that line was changed 3 or 4 times.

***** Nothing to add.

excellent poem

Though, I think your explanation at the end took away from my reading experience.

I agree with WBY. The reference to wabi-sabi actually confused me because I've always regarded that as the presence of beauty without some idealized notion of perfection. I think the poem, inclusive of the last two lines in italics without the asterisk and subsequent explanation, gave me plenty to imagine.

~

I had to read a few times before I got the gist which is a good thing, make the brain work instead of just skimming through the wasteland of the recent pseudo poem submissions

no longer there

hauntingly subtle.. first stanza extraordinary, but both sets of seven.. like brushwork calligraphy on thinnest rice paper.. and then

you pull out your neon highlighter with those last two lines

you could.. lose those entirely and simply move the last three words of the previous line down in their stead.. saying basically the same thing.. austerely

.. no longer there

but note

i said "could".. not should
those lines obviously mean a lot to you

....

I liked your poem twelveoone

:)

totally enjoyed this one, 1201. excellent as always

Poignant

Powerfully written! A painful memory, a climatic moment -"bitterness turns glass back into sand" (a glass shattering? or time in an hourglass revisited?). Lastly, "a turned man", recognizes that things will never be what they once were. Amazing how much clarity (and creativity) pain can render. Beautiful, even in its raw emotion.

*softsmile*