All Comments on 'Thunderstorms in June'

I've been trying very hard to like your poem because I think that the sentiment expressed is very strong. However there are a few things that I think you should change because they are very distracting. First, 6 should be six. Low numbers should always be spelled out unless there is a poetic reason not to and in this case there isn't. Thru should be through. And there is no reason for the two i's to not be capitalized. These little things add up to take the poem down a notch. Your cadence is also off in a couple of places, e.g. the last line of the first stanza. If you work on the poem a bit more, I think it can be a good one.

I like the last line descent, the subjugated i, the sparsity of hope yet longing for a redemption from a stark 6 years of misery. So simple and effective.

I like your poem, and I'm giving it a five, but if I may, a suggested alternate version:

It's been a long and bumpy road

My heart feels weathered and cold

With no one here to dry my tears

Throughout these last six years

I've tried so hard to let you go

But my heart kept saying no

That you'd come back again

My broken heart to mend

This time though seems different

I feel we're both so spent

Through joys and heartaches, I love you still

And knowing myself, I always will

But now when I think of you

I'll remember our love when it was new

A triad of trees under the moon

And of thunderstorms in June

"Thru" in a poem is a sort of disrespect to your work!

Spell it out---"through". I liked your piece. You have an off rhyme with "road and cold" which works well. It is good to try new things and some people seem to be stuck in an exact end-rhyme scheme and it is so terribly boring I usually back click. I have been trying to read some of the poets i missed out on while I was absent from here and have enjoyed what I have read of yours. You could tighten this one up a little bit and get a lot more POW for your effort.

Keep writing!

~ maria

very personal. sad.hope its not a reflection of how u feel. if so hang in there! post more stories. i love your work.

Good!!! ...as usual. I love all your work. :)

this poem was a complete and utter DISAPPOINTMENT. The end rhymes are weak, the content is shallow and I know pre-K children who write better than this. You CAN do better!!!!!

but no reason for the loss, TK U MLJ LV NV