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English
Well
this takes balls, I kind of like it, a little unfair to Ms. Plath, who really should be viewed more as a victim of the drug industry. But you do hit it very well if read as the icon raised by the cult. A5
*****
Some good stuff in this one.
Five.
having only come to reading Plath fairly recently,
i found the overall tone that i heard in my head matched up well with the one i hear reading her. it's a voice i find at once irritating and interesting. your write doesn't irritate, as its purpose is served so well by the tone. i certainly enjoyed the read for its imagery as well. i offer a 4 because there are places in v's 4/5/6 that make me want to tinker, ever so slightly. hope you don't mind if i offer my thoughts, briefly, this way though my suggestions might well make it lose some of the Plath-essence you've captured as i am less familiar with how she las out her work:
they ate you like an infestation
life feeding on life, turning in
on itself, no light penetrating
the chrysalis, in which your
nightmares morphed
they ate you, an infestation
life feeding on life,
turning in on itself,
no light penetrating the chrysalis
in which your nightmares morphed
----------------------------------
you simply ate yourself
should your bones
be conjured up, Christ-like
would you recognize the textile
could you unpick
the weave you wove
you simply ate yourself
and should your bones be
conjured up, Christ-like,
would you recognize the cloth,
could you unpick the weave you wove?
--------------------------------------
your needle sharp words
stitched your shroud
gave voice to your mute corpse
its wraps, it's all flies flies flies
it's all flies
with needle-words
you stitched your shroud,
gave voice to your mute corpse
it's all flies flies flies
it's all flies
-----------------------------------------
i don't think you really needed 'its wraps' since you use 'shroud' so soon before it.
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