Keep the story going. You have a lot of possibilities with this story, so keep on writing.
You lost me as a reader when you included me as part of the story!!! Can't you make-up some fictitious people to be the characters?!?!
Short, sweet, to the point. Very hot. And I agree, there are possibilities here.
Pretty enjoyable,you need to work on using contractions though so it reads naturally. :)
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English
Love it
Keep the story going. You have a lot of possibilities with this story, so keep on writing.
You lost me as a reader when you included me as part of the story!!! Can't you make-up some fictitious people to be the characters?!?!
Now this one was good
Short, sweet, to the point.
Very hot.
And I agree, there are possibilities here.
Pretty enjoyable,you need to work on using contractions though so it reads naturally. :)
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Daddy Should Knock or
More submissions by 100willie.