i love the teasing way u write... keep it up cant wait to read more...
dan (texas)
by
Anonymous04/12/11
good story
but I think he should give her some 'weekend work", just to keep her in line ;o)
by
Anonymous04/12/11
Superb ! Fantastic !!!
My only suggestions are:
1. Develop the characters more and
2. Make the story longer or write more parts / chapters
by
Anonymous04/12/11
It's fine, but
I thought the story was good and the characters fine but it's jarring to see lent and leant when you meant "leaned".
The throes of passion does not have a "w".
And at the end when he's gritting his teeth i assume you meant it "wasn't long" rather than it was long.
You are completely correct, and I apologise for the errors/typos in this. While I gave the story a good reading over (several in fact) it appears I did miss some mistakes.
Thank you for pointing this out so that I can improve as a writer : ) I appreciate the feedback.
Great story and looking forward to reading much more from you.
by
Anonymous03/01/12
Excellent Story
The story was good and the character development just fine. You don't need to be in a hurry to end the story, i.e. you could have added more to the middle of the plot by having three late Mondays, with the additional late Monday (occurring between the two Mondays already reported) having an appropriate middle "penalty". Regardless, I enjoyed your story and will look forward to reading other stories that you submit.
that was great, got me all hot and bothered and wanting more...hmmm, this isnt meant to be mean but it made me laugh too! i think it was like some of the corny lines between them when he came into his office and she was waiting for him. but laughing in a good way.
English
what a cure..
i love the teasing way u write... keep it up cant wait to read more...
dan (texas)
good story
but I think he should give her some 'weekend work", just to keep her in line ;o)
Superb ! Fantastic !!!
My only suggestions are:
1. Develop the characters more and
2. Make the story longer or write more parts / chapters
It's fine, but
I thought the story was good and the characters fine but it's jarring to see lent and leant when you meant "leaned".
The throes of passion does not have a "w".
And at the end when he's gritting his teeth i assume you meant it "wasn't long" rather than it was long.
Keep trying I enjoyed the imagery.
Re: It's Fine But
You are completely correct, and I apologise for the errors/typos in this. While I gave the story a good reading over (several in fact) it appears I did miss some mistakes.
Thank you for pointing this out so that I can improve as a writer : ) I appreciate the feedback.
Very erotic!
The slow, teasing pace made this a very sexy read. Nicely done!
A sexy read
Great story and looking forward to reading much more from you.
Excellent Story
The story was good and the character development just fine. You don't need to be in a hurry to end the story, i.e. you could have added more to the middle of the plot by having three late Mondays, with the additional late Monday (occurring between the two Mondays already reported) having an appropriate middle "penalty". Regardless, I enjoyed your story and will look forward to reading other stories that you submit.
such a tease
that was great, got me all hot and bothered and wanting more...hmmm, this isnt meant to be mean but it made me laugh too! i think it was like some of the corny lines between them when he came into his office and she was waiting for him. but laughing in a good way.
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