The Red Mask

Bad grammar, bad spelling. Good concept. To much emphasis on some things that weren't needed, and it ended too quick. 2/5 sorry.

please get an editor

I agree with anonymous. Your transitions were confusing and your grammar needs attention. Your idea, though intiguing, was lost in the structure.

Bad grammar or no grammar?

The long thy high [thigh-high] fishnet tights, the sexy red thong underwear that only served the purpose of being something she could slide off to entice the nights [night's] customer, the tight yet comfortable blood red corset with black ribbons and liner, the clear red 5 inch hooker heels that she had just perfected her sexy strut with, and finally the red mask. [run-on phrase; not a sentence because there is no verb!]

Still...

Yes, there were definitely some grammar issues, but it was a hot story. I'll go ahead and give it a 5 to make up for some low-balling.

Piece of Crap Story!

Your story sucks. On all levels. Most unreal. Pathetic.

more!!

that was great

Don't take the criticisms too hard.

Sure, there were some grammar issues, but that was hot as hell.

BTW, It's a shame you included "the last they would ever have as lovers" part of it

Cause this could use a sequel.

But yeah, definitely get yourself an editor.

Good

One of their accusations about improper grammar isn't even true. I know I don't have perfect grammar and nor do I care, but if you're gonna insult someone's story for bad grammar, make sure the claims are true.

Keep on writing.

5/5

Wow

great story.although it seems a tad unrealistic.all in all a good read.but u might wanna watch out for the grammer it can make or break a story like this!

Yuck

Ug, from the "I'm ovulating" part it went downhill fast.

encore! encore!

Super hot. A sequal would be great.

needs asequel it would be hot

needs a sequel she could change her mind itwas hot!

Really, REALLY should have used an editor

The concept of this story is appealing, but the spelling and grammatical errors really took me out of the moment. Readers who say "ignore the criticisms about grammar" don't do writers any favors. Good writers should care about that because it impacts the reader negatively. Good raw material, but next time use an editor.

Needs a sequel

This story needs a sequel where she goes to her brother after changing her mind and becomes his lover, and they decide to raise the baby together.

I'm ovulating... Really?

It seemed promising until the focus shifted to making babies.1/5

Rubbish

Have never read anything so bad

good story

Make a 2nd chapter, the siblings get together and become a couple after the 1st baby is born and have twins

Hey, aren't you...

Are you the same guy who does the English subtitles for the Japanese incest game show segments that are on a bunch of different porn sites?

re japanese incest game show

if he is the same bloke, his blog keeps moving

Not unreal. I went to a club with 7 others for my bucks party.We had a large booth from where we drank and watched the show. Like this story, money was put in the top of stockings, there was one girl, a little more solid than the others but a great arse, the boys had singled her out for me, she approached,in the dim light she turned away from me, sat on my lap,wriggling her arse. She reached under feeling my cock, the boys, take it out, take it out,, she turned, undoing my trousers, taking my cock out, stroking, she looked up at me, shit it was my cousin, Glynis, we recognized each other at the same time. No, the boys laughed, she said they have paid for me, still stroking me slowly, I was hard,i don't mind she said as her mouth circled my cock, oh, my head went back, she was good, the boys cheered her on, I was getting close but she pulled back, she held my cock, rolling a condom onto it. She faced me, lowering herself onto my cock, looking at me, the boys cheered, she began to move up and down, her pussy grasping my cock, playing her part, give it to me big boy, moving faster, she knew the exact moment my cum blasted, she squeezed her pussy around my cock, milking me and after sitting for a short time, moved off, removing the full condom. Two days later at my wedding reception, I saw her, a long black dress, glasses, she smiled, my cock tingled, she had a dance with me, I said sorry about the other night, she said that's o.k. heres your wedding gift, she handed me an envelope, I would like it if it were me. Open it when you are alone. I was puzzled, later in the night I had to go to the bathroom, I remembered the envelope. I opened it, a voucher for 1 hour with the girl of your choice at the club. I went out, at the end of the night as we went around, I came to her and as I hugged her, I said it definitely will be.

THTA'S WHAT I SAID

A fuck club without condoms, that doesn't make sense.

any more (anymore)
paying tribute too the amazing session (to)
thy high fishnet (thigh-high)
nights customer (night’s)
street walker (streetwalker)
though the smoke (through)
they shy man (the)
Blue tie (blue)
Fifty Dollar (fifty dollar)
her (????) coming just close
Angles prayers (Angel’s)
ran her hand up (the) fullness
at a boy (atta)
your very lucky (you’re)
redheads mouth (redhead’s)
The Angel ran (Then)
nick name (nickname)
call me (-an) Angel
my sisters...name (sister’s)
what the hell is you (are)
can we stay her (here)
Boss (boss)
juts go up (just)Sister's (sister's)
neck (with) him
this sluts (slut’s)
red 5 inch hooker heels/4 inch clear red hooker heels (????)
thank god (God)
Condom (condom)
horror of the coming experience would be sedated (eased)
Big Brother (big brother)
sisters back (sister’s)
James' interlocking their fingers (James)
thrown out all abandon (POORLY EXPRESSED)
had full committed (fully)
caste on them (cast)
un-obstructed (unobstructed)
waves of exacts (ecstasy)
his pussy (her)
mom, (????) oh god, oh god, oh god
James' (James's)
it feel to the ground (fell)
Ill just cum (I’ll)
its gross (it’s)
Brother's cocked (brother's cock)
he same set (the)
there only chance (their)
Cumming (cumming,)
the just laid (they)

Anonymous From 2015

You can't even spell that's correctly...how can you judge them???

Terrible spelling and grammar.