A Need To Understand Myself

No Domination Without Pain

No rose without a thorn. But pain inflicted need not be torture, if properly done in a trusting, loving relationship. Your ex was a sadist, not a true Dom. But finding the right one, the Dom who is not a sadist--as the poet said, "and that made all the difference." It's not easy.

I've been there and done that- not quite the same but so similar and it takes a long time to reclaim one's self. Ultimately, we have to retake control. ( I don't like the arrogance of someone who decides that they are a Dom, because they would ultimately seek to deprive me of myself and I suspect that is akin to murder. What difference is there between a Dom and a bully? In my case the murder was metaphorical but was close to literal. When some one is driven to suicide I call it murder. That anyone should be driven to that point indicates how much of a bully the perpetrator is and one must wonder about possible diagnoses- psychopath easily comes to mind as does obsessive / compulsive.)

It takes a long time but its worth it, memories will always remain but they will only be memories in the end. Please get on with your life, sometimes so many answers aren't worth the questions that have to be asked to get them. It's wise though to know enough that you can avoid the same happening again. Good luck.

Yes...

I think that there can be domination without pain. You can dominate with just a look. Your ex was a controlling sadist, he was also very insecure. If he wasn't he would not have moved hundreds of miles away and cut off your families and friends. He was afraid he would loose you, that says it all. By my standards he was a weak man. Would he stand up to other men? If not, more weakness. It sounds like you want a traditional marriage with a normal man and not a freak. Nothing strange about that. I would guess that at least half of the men today are still men and not sensitive wimps. You want a marriage with mutual love and appreciation. Again nothing strange about that. Your experience may have changed you, but you can still move on with a normal man who is sure of himself. Time may not heal all wounds, but it sounds like a strong and decent man will do wonders making you forget. :) There is a difference between strength and domination.