All Comments on 'Two Worlds Ch. 02'

by vixenfurry

Sort by:
  • 6 Comments
MizTMizTalmost 13 years ago
Like It

I like the fact that you gave Jess a year in the village. That simple fact will help explain more than her learning the language as the story continues. I was truly surprised when Mana checked her innocence, what a way to meet you future mother in-law even if you don't know that's who she is. I do hope you give Jess a girlfriend or two to confide in. Anyway, you are off to a good start as far as story telling goes. You might get an editor, they can help with the details like spelling and punctuation that an author might miss

I look forward to the next chapter and hope the wait isn't to long.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago

Not sure how her ankle was healed in two weeks if she had broken it. Or why no one came looking for her. If her brother and friends hadn't found her again, they would have gone on to get help and gotten a search party together.

oneboobeeoneboobeealmost 12 years ago

Loving this story..keep going!!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
LOL puncuation

A little bit of constructive critisism "As I ate Natu and his parents" coma? this thing , i cant spell sorry

vixenfurryvixenfurryalmost 12 years agoAuthor
to anonymous:

I have gotten several comments like that and have been told that my writing would be bettered if I got an editor. I am currently looking for one and I think I may have finally found one so hopefully my next submission will be much better. Thank you for pointing that out though. I am a bit of a spelling and grammar freak myself but even the best of us miss things like that in our own writing.

maxd01maxd01over 9 years ago
Generic comment

I know you submitted this story a long time ago but one thing that bothers me with multi-chapter stories is when each chapter is one or maybe at most 2 pages long. There are some other comments I want to make but am going to keep reading before making a longer comment.

Oh, just tossing a bone to myself, so to speak, check out my stories if you are still on since you might like them.

Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous