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English
Nice
Breaks the mold a bit, which is always welcome. Well-composed, with no obvious problems. The only complaint I'd have is that the thoughts, the imaginings, feel rather like a transcription of the events in a pornographic video, particularly when you start talking about how "My view switches and I see between their legs." In that vein, they also seem a bit...I suppose I'd say 'extreme,' to an extent which I find subjectively distasteful.
Still, a fairly good product on the whole.
That's the way to do it.
This is PROPER erotica. Erotica is not about the physical sexual act - it's about the desire and anticipation of sex. This author has the balance almost perfect. It would have been perfect if he hadn't forewarned the readers that the father wasn't going to realise his fantasy, but this was still a fine piece of erotica.
5/5
Responses
@ rafman188
I get your point, but people can get pissed if they aren't warned about these things. I did think about not forewarning anything, but not scamming people took priority in the end.
@ nomennescio
Still a bit too smutty for you, eh? I totally get it. I tried to find a balance between what i usually tend to write and something much more tame. I guess the balance still didn't get 'gel'. Too much 'love story' on the one hand and too much hardcore on the other. Point taken.
Will Wanton
mmmmmmmmmmm!!!
That was so arousing...anyone else who loved it please email me on bosslady_shanna@yahoo.com
;)
Good story.Liked it. No other comments.
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