by lovelyelle
I was starting to like it a lot, but it ended so short. Still very good, though.
Lot of dialogue and not much story. Get a little more detailed (especially on the "spicy" parts) and I think it would kick it up a notch
Warp speed conclusion after some half-way decent suspense and build-up. The sex-scene had little to no detail or description and was over faster than it took me to write this.
The set-up was hot and made me interested to see how it all played out but then you rushed it at the end and it was over before I knew it! I think you have promise as a writer and should consider adding more detail to this story. It really was a good premise and I think you have the talent to make it a lot better.