Halloween Costume

Mmmmm

Thank you that was hot.

Very hot

I like these small interactions that you write.

Got the job done

This was hot

This got me hot.

Hooters needs more like her

I don't think I will ever go to Hooters again without thinking about this story. I probably will get hot just looking and thinking about doing things that happened in the story..

you left a shit load out, like detail

the writing technique needs a lot of work

commentary?

how about setting, detail, actions ...paint the picture instead of them just talking, this may have worked for some but it won't sell anything