Lusting For Him

Second Person is Poor Style

Do NOT write the narration in second person, it is the poorest way to carry the plot line. Learn to write dialogue well and that will provide the face-to-face communication between your characters. As an omniscient narrator, you carry the story in the third person. This allows you room to develop the characters, the setting....everything. You will never be a respectable writer until you stop writing in the second person. There are other problems, but first things first. An Hoa Rifleman

Ignore the previous poster; some stories don't require dialogue, something this person does not seem to comprehend. This was a very nicely-written piece, building up wonderfully. You really generated a lot of tension, and it is never bad to play with styles.

Nice Story

I like the style you used to tell the story. Keep up with what you are doing!

Not a favorite

This is certainly not a favorite story, or method of telling a story. It has little basis in reality. Perhaps an editor would help you.

JUST THINKING

WHY IS IT THAT THOSE WHO FIND FAULT IN ANOTHER S WRITING SELDOM EVER USE ANYTHING BUT ANOMALOUS.. .AS FOR MYSELF I ENJOYED IT.. I FOUND IT TO BE ENTERTAING & INTERESTING..HAVING SAID THAT.. " SUCKS THE ONLY FLAW I ENCOUNTERED IS THAT YOU ARE NOT MY SISTER , NOR ARE YOU RELATED TO ME IN ANY WAY..BUT THEN LIFE JUST GOES ON..

I thought it was her father she was fucking, not her brother. Confusing story.

very poorly written

delete and start over after you graduate grade school, and use a good editor.

idk

im just saying that her bro might've woken up at some point during the whole ordeal

also, when did she get consent to fuck him? how do i know that he wanted ger to fuck him the whole way through?