I really enjoyed this. I am not sure what your disability is, but I hope you're ok. It certainly hasn't negatively affected your writing! I really enjoyed the bantering back and forth. I liked her conversation with herself about her apparent psychosis, etc. While I think she accepted this all a bit too quickly, I like it. I look forward to more and learning more about both of them and seeing their relationship grow. Great job.
Your writing style is witty, intelligent, funny - you are a gem here on literotica! I am looking forward to reading more of your writings. Thanks for sharing with us!
I'm impressed. It takes a certain skill to be able to maintain (in writing) longer conversations and make them witty without it turning out cheesy, stiff, forced-sounding, or mechanical.
Good job piecing it all together, and you're writer's voice is intelligent, unique, and funny in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way. I especially like the beginning, it was well written.
Just one thing, could you possibly explain some of the terms by the end of the chapter or maybe even in brackets in the text? I wasn't sure what you meant by 'houris', so I Googled it, but it would be nice if the meaning was right there. Just a thought, though :)
The bit about her vagina being condemned by authorities (or whoever) gave me the giggles from heck. My ex had one friend who told her after a year of not having sex you were a born again virgin...
On a negative note the bit about parting her lips with his jaw just sounded a bit odd.
English
interesting start
was entertaining and well written i like the twist you have going here hope you can post again real soon
I really enjoyed this. I am not sure what your disability is, but I hope you're ok. It certainly hasn't negatively affected your writing! I really enjoyed the bantering back and forth. I liked her conversation with herself about her apparent psychosis, etc. While I think she accepted this all a bit too quickly, I like it. I look forward to more and learning more about both of them and seeing their relationship grow. Great job.
Dry opinion
Sensible, bright, funny. Too short though.
Adorable
I love the banter between these two.
absolutely delightful!
Your writing style is witty, intelligent, funny - you are a gem here on literotica! I am looking forward to reading more of your writings. Thanks for sharing with us!
I'm impressed. It takes a certain skill to be able to maintain (in writing) longer conversations and make them witty without it turning out cheesy, stiff, forced-sounding, or mechanical.
Good job piecing it all together, and you're writer's voice is intelligent, unique, and funny in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way. I especially like the beginning, it was well written.
Just one thing, could you possibly explain some of the terms by the end of the chapter or maybe even in brackets in the text? I wasn't sure what you meant by 'houris', so I Googled it, but it would be nice if the meaning was right there. Just a thought, though :)
Chapter 3 is on its way...
I submitted it last night and it's pending now, so it should be up in 2-3 days.
A surprise awaits explaining the delay!
Chapter 4 is pending!
Hope you continue to enjoy Addy & Hal.
rofl
The bit about her vagina being condemned by authorities (or whoever) gave me the giggles from heck. My ex had one friend who told her after a year of not having sex you were a born again virgin...
On a negative note the bit about parting her lips with his jaw just sounded a bit odd.
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