Story is just beginning to unfold. Please give it a chance. I wanted you to get to know a little about the characters and what happened in their lives. Next chapter they head up to the apartment but that's just the beginning. Thanks for for taking the time to read and comment.
I decided to go ahead and submit a chapter a day till all seven are posted.
DG
I really enjoy the way you are building this tale DG. It shows what a gifted author you are. Please keep up the good work.
by
Anonymous05/14/11
Nice story and one suggestion
DG, thanks for all of your excellent stories. I am not 100% sure of how they are properly used, but you might want to research the proper usage of "lie, lay, lain, and laid."
For example, when you wrote "I laid there with the warm sun...." I think it should actually be "I lay there with the warm sun...."
The first chapter was really good. I'll admit that with the opening of this chapter, and the shift in story-teller perspective, I was not optimistic about how the chapter would turn out. But actually, it turns out to be a very entertaining work. Definitley, I'm looking forward to Ch.03.
Good down home sex. Best watch ol' Mary if she has a hot pot of spaghetti handy, though. Good change of narrator and perfect continuity. DG is a trustworthy source for good dirty fun. But of course I cannot let him go without some quibbles, via "Send Feedback.".
I enjoyed the change in narration. We now have good character development for Mary and Joe.
One suggestion though. Please have your editor/editors check for the proper use of compliment versus complement. The words are quite different and often misused here on Lit.
Thanks again for a good effort which I'm enjoying.
English
where was joe in this chapter
longwinded
Great 2nd part. Well done POV of her side.
Nice development
Nice to read the story from the point of view of the woman. Thanks DG
touching
hope you keep the story going, enjoyed the female view
DG Hear
Story is just beginning to unfold. Please give it a chance. I wanted you to get to know a little about the characters and what happened in their lives. Next chapter they head up to the apartment but that's just the beginning. Thanks for for taking the time to read and comment.
I decided to go ahead and submit a chapter a day till all seven are posted.
DG
Enjoyed it
I really enjoy the way you are building this tale DG. It shows what a gifted author you are. Please keep up the good work.
Nice story and one suggestion
DG, thanks for all of your excellent stories. I am not 100% sure of how they are properly used, but you might want to research the proper usage of "lie, lay, lain, and laid."
For example, when you wrote "I laid there with the warm sun...." I think it should actually be "I lay there with the warm sun...."
http://web.ku.edu/~edit/lie.html
well, "day-um!"
The first chapter was really good. I'll admit that with the opening of this chapter, and the shift in story-teller perspective, I was not optimistic about how the chapter would turn out. But actually, it turns out to be a very entertaining work. Definitley, I'm looking forward to Ch.03.
DG, Good Work, As Usual
Good down home sex. Best watch ol' Mary if she has a hot pot of spaghetti handy, though. Good change of narrator and perfect continuity. DG is a trustworthy source for good dirty fun. But of course I cannot let him go without some quibbles, via "Send Feedback.".
Good work but .....
I enjoyed the change in narration. We now have good character development for Mary and Joe.
One suggestion though. Please have your editor/editors check for the proper use of compliment versus complement. The words are quite different and often misused here on Lit.
Thanks again for a good effort which I'm enjoying.
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