A different presentation style, something like a play, the characters were a little 'stagey' too. I enjoyed it though. Kept reading to the end to see what happened which meant it had to be scored 5*
Will you write something else in another style or continue this one in the same style. Will enjoy finding out. Storywriter07
by
Anonymous05/16/11
Enjoyable story.
I really found this good - and well deserving of being continued; I hope you do expand it - it has a lot of potential.
4 *s for now, and I'm sure there will be five if it has a second chapter.
Could use a bit more work. The one bit where the dungeon is described uses no imagination on your part. The idea of this story is to do the readers thinking for them, not the other way around. It really does have excellent promise though! I would love to see more!
by
Anonymous09/12/11
Very very cool. Just what I was looking for. Can't wait to read more. Get some more on the characters, and especially more of this over all.
Different
A different presentation style, something like a play, the characters were a little 'stagey' too. I enjoyed it though. Kept reading to the end to see what happened which meant it had to be scored 5*
Will you write something else in another style or continue this one in the same style. Will enjoy finding out. Storywriter07
Enjoyable story.
I really found this good - and well deserving of being continued; I hope you do expand it - it has a lot of potential.
4 *s for now, and I'm sure there will be five if it has a second chapter.
Thank you.
great
I would like to read more. I want to know what happens next.
Might have been quite good if ....
Either get yourself a Spellchecker or a good Editor!
Good one.
Could use a bit more work. The one bit where the dungeon is described uses no imagination on your part. The idea of this story is to do the readers thinking for them, not the other way around. It really does have excellent promise though! I would love to see more!
Very very cool. Just what I was looking for. Can't wait to read more. Get some more on the characters, and especially more of this over all.
Rough sex
Is it his intent to really damage the girl? Her anus could be really injured without any prep
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