It seems that you are on the right trac, only you are moving so fast with no build up or heat progression. "We drove him as quickly as...? Slow up a bit, use spell check and an editor. When you write for others, it is easier sometimes to find errors that distract from the flow of the story than all the correctness one may offer. This is a great story. Your chapters, if that is what they are, are just too short and fast. You write much but offer very little content. Keep going. We are none too perfect.
English
OK
Decent read but as usual, you need an editor. Where did her panties get to?
Like chapter one...
Still to short.
Much too short...
It seems that you are on the right trac, only you are moving so fast with no build up or heat progression. "We drove him as quickly as...? Slow up a bit, use spell check and an editor. When you write for others, it is easier sometimes to find errors that distract from the flow of the story than all the correctness one may offer. This is a great story. Your chapters, if that is what they are, are just too short and fast. You write much but offer very little content. Keep going. We are none too perfect.
Great beginning
A little more story description please, clothing,
personality's, home life, environment, pets.
It's the little things that add so much.
And why did this guy leave his incest porn
stash in plain sight? Stupidity or premeditated genius...
YAWN!
BORRRIIIINNNNGGGG IDIOT!
rubbish
utter rubbish
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