homeNon-Erotic Poetrygoing to the strip barPublic Comments

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going to the strip bar

byseannelson©
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by Anonymous

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by WillowedCabin05/18/11

Who knew strip bars could be uneventful?

I think this is bad. You are telling too much and not really showing here. Also, this doesn't groove--and this thing should definitely have rhythm. I think the topic is rich and full of color and this was akin to ordering a pizza. Maybe try to hone down to what you actually are creating here: "the zen image of the frugal man at a strip bar" Grasp that and run with it.

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